Men, Women, and S-E-X

Here’s a statistic to catch your attention: 80 percent of men are more sexually oriented than their wives. This means they crave sex more often and desire more variety in their sex lives. Men are visually stimulated.

On the other hand, women are more likely to crave nonsexual affection. They want to cuddle and talk, but often have less desire for the act of sex than their husbands.

When it comes to sexual appetite, men and women are out of sync. Not only are they not on the same page, they’re not even reading from the same book! Guys want their wives to be more sexual. Wives wonder how they ended up with a husband obsessed with sex.

As you might expect, this causes plenty of friction within marriages, especially among young married couples. When studies indicate that men reach their sexual peak at age 20, and women reach theirs at age 40, it’s no wonder intimacy causes so many conflicts!

This is why a servant spirit is so critical to marital success, especially related to sex. Paul addressed this topic in his first letter to the Corinthians:

“But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” (1 Cor. 7:2–3)

Paul understood that unmet needs within a marriage are a profoundly dangerous thing. It can lead to powerful temptations. Men have a deep physical and emotional need for sex. When women choose to withhold sex from their husbands, it creates a breeding ground for sexual sin.

Men need sex to feel fully whole and complete as marriage partners. This is what it means to become “one flesh,” as described in Genesis 2:24. In marriage, we commit to granting our partners full and complete access to everything we have, including our bodies. It is the ultimate act of service and humility.

But what about married women who don’t feel “sexual” toward their husbands? It’s not as if they can just flip a switch and become more interested in sex, right?

The advice I give women in this scenario is for them to—for lack of a better phrase—“fake it till you make it.” In other words, start acting more sexually interested than you are. Learn what turns your husband on, then do those things.

Sex is a gift God has entrusted to women, and gifts are not something you put on the shelf to admire. You have to use them! Your husband needs you to learn how to become more sexual than you feel.

Here’s the truth: Women who heed this advice almost always end up discovering find tremendous joy and pleasure in sexual intimacy—far more than they ever expected.

A servant spirit means putting your own needs aside and focusing instead on your partner’s needs. It means giving, even when you don’t receive in return. A woman who discovers this truth will forever be the wife of a happy man.