Good sex is always intentional. The devil tells us that if we married the right person sexual attraction will just happen naturally, and we will never have to work at it. That’s a lie. A healthy sexual relationship does not happen by accident. Thanks to the advances in medical technology and other factors, humans are living longer than ever. That means couples are enjoying sex later and later into their marriages. Research proves that people can still be sexually... Read more
A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned in a Marriage Builder about how sex should be a fantastic stress-reliever in marriage—but that it often produces anxiety. I described how I had to give up golf for a season in my life in order to re-prioritize my life and preserve the intimacy in our marriage. You may have been thinking: Good for you! But I don’t play golf. Golf is not the only thing that can get in the way of... Read more
In John 1:14, the Gospel writer describes Jesus—the Word who became flesh and dwelt among us—as being “full of grace and truth.” Jesus was more than a sinless man; He was a flawless illustration of the nature of God. In perfect balance, the life of Christ simultaneously revealed the glory of God and the pattern of a perfect human life. As God, Jesus was “the Word,” a clear and unwavering expression of eternal truth. And as man, Jesus revealed how... Read more
In the last Marriage Builder, I shared how the most important step Karen and I took toward healing our broken marriage was to give up. To give it over to God. To surrender and admit that repairing it was something we needed Him to do, not us. Surrender isn’t a word I use lightly. It has enormous implications and even greater long-term consequences. When Karen and I raised that white flag of surrender, it was monumental. But still, it was... Read more
It seems we hear about marital failures far more often than we hear about marital success. While many people desperately want a marriage that works, fewer and fewer of them believe they really can have one. Our country’s marriage problems cause a lot of fear and uncertainty in relationships. This means more people stay single, more couples try alternatives to marriage, and those who do get married do so with an abundance of caution. People flinch when the subject of... Read more
Intimacy means inner closeness. When you say I want to be intimate with my spouse, you are talking about enjoying a relationship that isn’t superficial. It’s not just about sex you could be having sex with someone who is completely checked out, a million miles away from you emotionally. Intimacy means opening your heart up to someone. When you are both followers of Jesus, the deepest parts of each of you are in communion. That kind of spiritual intimacy when... Read more
Sex should be a fantastic stress-reliever within marriage. But I’ve seen stress do the exact opposite: the anxiety it produces leaves one or both spouses exhausted and sexually unresponsive. This isn’t too much to worry about when it happens from time to time. All of us go through seasons of stress, for various reasons. But when it happens regularly, it can create deep frustration for the spouse whose sexual needs are being ignored. We can’t ignore the fact that we... Read more
In recent weeks we’ve discussed the importance of priorities in the life of the family. Biblical priorities—God, Family, and Church—are crucial to a healthy home. While it can be a challenge to establish these priorities if they’re not in place already, it’s also necessary to protect them once they are in place. Make a firm commitment to keeping your priorities in line. This doesn’t mean sinking into legalism. You may miss church for a week or two because of vacation... Read more
I haven’t been shy about detailing the rocky early years of my marriage to Karen. Both of us were certain that our marriage was destined for greatness—that we would never fight, never get tired of each other, never worry about money or kids or any of the petty things other couples argued about. We both knew we were the perfect match and nothing could stand in our way. We were confident. It only took two weeks for us to realize... Read more
Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” A woman’s number-one need is for security, and nothing meets that need like a sacrificial husband. The highest role for a man in his life is to bring his wife to her full potential. The word husband comes from an older word: husbandman. It’s a farming term. It means “a grower.” We are called husbands because we are growing something. God... Read more
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