Horrible and scary things are happening all around the world right now. As Christians, we must trust that God is ultimately good and ultimately able to stop each and every one of those bad things, but He has chosen not to because He has a better reason to allow them. This has been true in my life over and over again. All the bad things, all the things that hurt me, that scarred me, that continue to challenge me physically,... Read more
I know I’ve been quiet. I’ve been very busy. We bought a really cute house with a ton of potential. The walls had been painted the color of dry wall. The house was covered carpet — even the bathroom. The lease on our current home ends on May 15th, and we just closed on the new place on April 30th. The last week has been a mad rush of ripping up floors, painting, spackling and sanding. My amazing mother in... Read more
It is such a gift to have a Dr who calls you personally to check in. Even more so that she is level-headed. She reminds me that it is normal to feel a bit numb after starting a medication because I felt everything too acutely. Doh! I feel like an idiot for not seeing the parallel myself: my struggle with mental illness is an unbalanced amount of feeling. Left un-medicated I feel everything too much. It’s like the volume is... Read more
Please, please, please, let us be more careful with our words. Let our blogs be based on knowledge and our tweets be founded on facts. Let us be among the last to speak our minds if we are not one of the first to know the truth. Let us not confuse a social media scroll with actual research. Hearing a report is not the same as the right to speak. -excerpt by Kevin DeYoung in The God of Justice Hates... Read more
My heart is quiet. Peaceful. The turmoil I was pinned beneath only a couple of weeks ago has vanished. Medication is amazing. For me, it is the difference between tears pouring down my face and physical pain in my gut (that is mental pain manifest). I struggled to think clearly, there was a near constant migraine. I couldn’t get a grip. There. I admit it, being a basket case comes frighteningly easily to me. Now, I am a Christian. I... Read more
It is common practice in churches, however, to treat mental illness differently. We immediately assume there is something else, some deeper spiritual struggle causing mental and emotional strain. The fact is that mental illness and spiritual struggle can be (and are) related. We are not separate things, we are complex people—remarkable connected in spirit, soul, body, mind, etc. But, let me be direct here: if we immediately dismiss the possibility of mental illness and automatically assume spiritual deficiency, our actions... Read more
From the archives — we are now three years later. Last night I spent most of my evening nauseous, retching, fighting off the tears. The medications I am on have some really horrible side effects if you forget to take them. I am fighting to remember that these kinds of trials come from God’s hand and if I get angry about this, I am really getting angry with God. Which would be ridiculous because God has always carried me, blessed... Read more
“Whenever you love, you reenact Jesus’ death. Consequently, gospel stories always have suffering in them. American Christianity has an allergic reaction to this part of the gospel. We’d love to hear about God’s love for us, but suffering doesn’t mesh with our right to “the pursuit of happiness.” So we pray to escape a gospel story, when that is the best gift the Father can give us.” -Paul Miller in A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World Read more
The fog is lifting. It is weird and wonderful. When I am not taking any medication, thinking clearly is extremely difficult. It literally hurts. My muscles tense, my body aches, my neck and back move out-of-place from the strain of crying so deeply, too often. The weight of world presses in on me and I can’t breathe. I hang on for dear life to God’s promises, I fight to keep my eyes fixed on Him and it is a battle.... Read more
You know that feeling when you are in labor, transition stage, I think they call it, right before you begin to push the baby out? Do you remember the sense of being hopelessly overwhelmed? The pain seems almost unbearable, but Mamas know that when they reach that point in the birth of their child, that they are nearly done, they know that the baby will soon be in their arms and they will cry with joy as they meet a... Read more
Mere Breath
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