I want to address some of the arguments against self-compassion because self-compassion can feel uncomfortable for people. And some of the things I hear are, “I need to be strong and tough it out.” The way I would address this is the same way I address anger. If action is more important than healing, then, yes, being strong is very appropriate. However, if you want to really engage in a healing process, then some vulnerability, would be really helpful. Vulnerability... Read more
If someone is codependent, they might feel responsible for others. It could look like literally feeling responsible for their problems or feeling responsible for their emotional reactions. Another sign of codependence is having difficulty expressing your feelings. Expressing your wants and needs can be a real challenge for somebody who is considered to be codependent. Another sign is not trusting yourself, doubting your actions, and doubting your abilities. And lastly, another important sign of codependence is disappointment and how others... Read more
Conflict in a relationship can arise for a variety of reasons. You might have different beliefs about how things should be done; your feelings might get hurt; you might not feel supported. It might feel like you have been devalued, not feeling heard, feeling misunderstood. Retriggered trauma, for example, you may have trauma from someone who uses a certain tone of voice. And then if your partner uses a tone of voice that’s similar to that, that can retrigger you... Read more
Brene Brown has a PhD in social work. She conducts research on shame, vulnerability, and leadership, and she teaches at the University of Houston. Her latest book is Atlas of the Heart. I give this book four stars out of five. I really enjoyed it. The only reason that I’m not giving it five is there are some areas of the book where I think she could have gone into a little bit more detail about some of the emotions... Read more
We hear this word all the time, bias, but what does it actually mean? It means we favor or don’t favor a certain belief, person, group of people or activity over another. And this favoring is not based in reasoning, but instead based in assumptions–probably faulty assumptions. Cognitive bias has to do with having biases in our thinking. This means we favor a certain belief, or we favor a certain idea, or a certain choice. This favoring we can think... Read more
All of us experience fear in some way. For example, fear of being alone, fear of not having control, or fear of not being in control. Fear of being seen in a certain way. Fear of emotional discomfort. Fear of death. Then we have this response to fear. For example, the fear of being alone might cause worried thoughts. Another response we might have to our fears is avoiding certain situations. So if you have a fear of not being... Read more
An acceptance practice is helpful for anybody who has a challenge. Some of the realities that we might be struggling with might be a breakup, a divorce, or our plans not working out. Mental health challenges, such as depression or anxiety. Additionally, our emotions can be a reality that we struggle with, such as anger, grief. Also, being unhappy in our job or being unhappy in our relationship. Getting older can be one of these realities that we struggle with.... Read more
A study published in 2015 showed 89% of American women are dissatisfied with their bodies, and 84% of those women want to be thinner. I had to take pause when I read that. That is very high. This is becoming more of a global experience. Years prior, the studies were showing that body dissatisfaction was more isolated to certain cultures and countries, but now it’s a global issue, and I would imagine a lot of that has to do with... Read more
The Emotional Clusters is the single most effective tool that I use during coaching. When people begin coaching with me, their emotional vocabulary is usually limited. Most of us know when we’re angry, and we know when we are sad, and we know when we’re happy. But beyond that being able to name specific emotions such as disgust, responsible, hesitant, pressured, yearning, or hopeless does not usually come naturally. However, if we can use our mindfulness abilities to take pause,... Read more
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts or images or impulses, and they can sometimes make us question our stability. They might make us question our mental health, not to mention cause feelings of shame. Ninety percent of the population experiences intrusive thoughts. And many people are hesitant to reveal or disclose these intrusive thoughts to other people. Here are some examples of intrusive thoughts, thinking about swerving your car into incoming traffic. Thinking about images of hurting a loved one, thinking... Read more
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In