How IFS Helped Me Stop Fighting Myself Internal Family Systems (IFS) is like inner child work on steroids. With inner child work, you go into your imagination as the loving, supportive inner parent to help heal the hurt parts of yourself. IFS is similar in that it views your mind as made up of various parts, each with its own unique thoughts, emotions, and roles. But it’s more structured—like a whole blueprint of your inner world. It all revolves around... Read more
Setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s one of the best ways we can take responsibility for our own well-being. If you’ve ever felt resentment in certain situations, that might be a clue that you need better boundaries. It’s worth taking time to reflect on what’s okay and not okay in your interactions with others. I’ve learned that getting clear on this—whether by journaling or discussing with a coach—can make setting boundaries feel more manageable. One tip is to write it down: What’s... Read more
I’ve been diving into the topic of boundaries lately, especially how they relate to emotional healing. If you’ve had experiences with emotionally immature people—whether growing up with them or maintaining close relationships—there’s a good chance you’ve faced relationship trauma. Healing from that trauma often involves setting boundaries, which creates a space of safety and stability essential for recovery. Boundaries aren’t just about saying “no” to others; they’re about saying “yes” to yourself by defining what’s acceptable for your emotional and... Read more
Anxiety around the upcoming presidential inauguration is a common experience for many, fueled by a variety of stressors. These include increasing polarization, uncertainty about the political climate, concerns over election integrity, and the potential handling of future crises like pandemics. Added to this are the overwhelming effects of media coverage and the fear of civil unrest, which exacerbate feelings of tension. It’s essential to differentiate between acute anxiety, which is temporary and can be productive, and chronic anxiety, which can... Read more
Navigating relationships with emotionally immature people can feel like a rollercoaster ride, whether it’s with a parent, partner, or a close friend. I’ve realized that recognizing the signs of emotional immaturity—like when someone can’t respect boundaries, is emotionally unavailable, or always centers conversations around themselves—helps me understand why some interactions leave me feeling drained. It’s tough because my feelings often go unacknowledged, which can lead to a deep sense of invalidation. But here’s the good news: healing from these experiences... Read more
I want to dive into a topic that many of us have probably encountered in our relationships: emotional immaturity. This can make it tough to build meaningful connections with others, whether it’s with a partner, a friend, or even with ourselves. Emotional immaturity can manifest in different ways, and it can be helpful to recognize these patterns. I want to focus on three key qualities that can often signal emotional immaturity: emotional unavailability, trouble with boundaries, and difficulty being vulnerable.... Read more
Self-worth is all about having an internal sense that you are enough, that you are whole, and that you aren’t missing anything. This is different from the fleeting, external validation that might come from a compliment, an achievement, or praise. What’s powerful about true self-worth is that it’s unconditional; it’s not something that can be taken away by any event or person. It’s about knowing that, at your core, you are inherently valuable simply because you exist. When we think... Read more
So, I recently gave a talk on mindfulness, and at the end, I was hit with this tricky question about how to step away from your thinking. Honestly, I was a bit caught off guard. I mean, this is something people spend years learning through meditation and retreats, so trying to cover it in a short Q&A seemed nearly impossible. To break it down, I decided to record an episode explaining my approach. First off, it’s crucial to recognize when... Read more
Somatic healing might sound like a buzzword to some of us, but it’s actually a pretty cool approach to dealing with trauma. It focuses on healing from the bottom up, meaning it starts with soothing the body and nervous system rather than just talking through problems. You might have heard of top-down methods like cognitive behavioral therapy, where we try to change our thinking to feel better physically. Somatic healing, on the other hand, works by addressing physical sensations and... Read more
A technique I use with my couples during coaching sessions is called CARE. “C” is for checking in. “A “is for awareness, “R” is for reflection, and “E” is for empathy or validation. Checking in is noticing that your partner is feeling a little off. You can check in with them, “How are you doing?” Awareness is being aware of what’s going on within yourself. For example, devaluing thinking about the other person. Or perhaps, putting pressure on yourself.... Read more
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