Maturity and Making Amends

You ever have one of those days when you wonder “I wonder how my exes are doing now?” And you get that temptation to stalk them on Facebook? Yeah, I’ve been there. I actually contemplated calling one of my exes last night. By the grace of God, I did not go through with it. Instead, I prayed for my exes.

It’s kind of funny how time has a way of changing people. I’m not sure if it’s the fruits of consecrating myself to Jesus through Mary last year or just Divine Providence, but when my friend told me that the ex I wanted to contact wasn’t doing so well, I didn’t laugh at the fact that he seemed to be living a miserable life. Instead I felt sorry for him.

If you ever talked to me a few years ago and told me that one of my exboyfriends is working a minimum wage job and still lived in his parents’ basement, I probably would’ve been howling with laughter.

Maturity is a very weird thing sometimes. It takes all the fun out of laughing at someone else’s expense. But on the other hand, it reminds me that I have better things to think about than how my exes are doing. If I were to actually track down all my exes, I would probably reopen wounds that took a long time to heal or worse, open up opportunities for the more dangerous exes to start manipulating me again.

Sometimes making amends can’t be done in person. Sometimes, it’s too late. Sometimes, for psychological reasons, you can’t be in the same room as that person let alone communicate online. Sometimes, all you can do is pray for those who’ve hurt you. Pray for the ones who broke your heart. Pray the ones who damaged you, no matter how hard that may be. I’m not saying that they will change or that there will ever come a point where you can make amends on a more personal level, but prayer is always the best place to start.

Through prayer, we say to that person “I love you enough to want the best for you, even though you’ve hurt me.” Fr. Robert Barron says “Love means wanting the good for the other as other.”

So here’s my challenge: Think about the person who’s hurt you the most. And pray for them. Write a really angry letter if you must, but offer that anger up to God. Give yourself time. And maybe a crayon. The cliche is often true: time heals all wounds. But it’s not just time that heals the wounds. It’s God. We can hide ourselves in the wounds of Christ and find healing, enough to maybe testify someday. (Listen to Danielle Rose’s “Glorious Wounds” to see what I mean.)

So here’s my question to you: Tell me about a time that you made amends with someone, whether in person or through prayer. What was that experience like for you?