This can also be very tricky (regarding imbalance of sexual desire) in a relationship where there is abuse of any kind or coercion or other unhealthy patterns. Some women aren’t disinterested or distant because they don’t care about sex; it may be because they are in pain and the husband has reduced them to an object and expects sex anyway. Bad stuff. I have seen it too often. There has to be give and take and it’s not always so simple to figure that out. And the oversexed culture makes this all the harder for all involved. Men don’t think they can live w/o demanding and getting a certain frequency, that it’s a physiological entitlement in marriage, and women sometimes recoil because so much of what we see objectifies women.
I begin to wonder if there really are any healthy relationships out there. So much pain on this topic, even evidenced here on this site. Can we not believe that God can help us? That there can be joy and that it doesn’t have to be men vs. women?
Yes, after a while of hearing so many people struggle within their marital and sexual relationships, it can start to seem overwhelming. However, it is important to remember that there are also many couples out there who are achieving happiness and fulfillment in marriage and in sex. For the most part, those people are not going to be posting on a site like this. It is also important to take into account that many who are now currently satisfied with their marriage, were not always so in the past. Many have worked hard and challenged themselves to achieve a happier, healthier state. And for all of us, happiness and satisfaction can be somewhat of a roller coaster ride: with lots of ups and downs in intensity and frequency levels. This is a normal part of life and hopefully can be seen as a learning process than a hopeless situation.
That being said, I completely agree that if there is any level of sexual abuse, coercion or force being used then of course there are going to be serious sexual ramifications for the couple. I also agree that both men and women are influenced by our sexual culture and that many of what our current culture offers regarding sex education or expectation is not realistic nor healthy for either gender. Hopefully by discussing these things openly we can all become more aware of our surroundings, how they affect us, and how we can dispel unnecessary myths or untruths so that we can reach a more mutually satisfying and respectful sexual relationship with our spouses. Hopefully too, a better understanding of the gospel and its teachings regarding sexuality can be helpful to us as well. You’re right, it should not be men versus women. It is only when man and woman join together that we find our true potential: sexually, emotionally and spiritually. Thank you for your comments.
The Mormon Therapist
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