Where to start? About three weeks ago I had severe anxiety over a random thought I had over a year ago. I believe that I might have some OCD tendencies but have never been diagnosed. The troubling thought from over a year ago was a sexual thought about an ninth grader. I am married to an amazing husband. When I had that initial thought, I thought it was strange and just brushed it off. But lately, I have had extreme guilt over that thought and other weird thoughts that I have had. I pretty much have thoughts of things that I do NOT want to do or things that go against my LDS beliefs and testimony. I try to get rid of the thoughts and that only makes it worse. The guilt over having these thoughts is horrible, even though I can logically state that I haven’t sinned.
The thoughts that are sexual are the most troubling. They include thoughts about young people, thoughts about people besides my spouse, and recently now thoughts about my same gender.
Please help.
First of all, I want to reassure you that we all at times have troubling thoughts (i.e. sexual, violent, escapist, etc.). Usually we wonder something like “where the heck did that come from?” and quickly move on. In fact what probably separates those who have obsessive thoughts with those who don’t is the amount of time and energy one spends worrying about them. It’s the classic scenario where if I tell you “Don’t think about an elephant!” the first thing your mind will do is conjure up the image of an elephant. Thoughts that go against one’s core beliefs and values usually bring about the highest level of anxiety and therefore, have the most propensity to become obsessive. We’re so desperate to stop having them that we unwittingly and unconsciously give them more power and energy.
I encourage you to try to assuage your level of guilt. You may use relaxation techniques, breathing exercises, physical exercise, singing or other means of distraction to help you with this. See if “just letting it go” and not worrying about your thoughts helps with the intensity and frequency of feelings. Also, it can be helpful to give them center stage for a few moments before trying to send them off. Giving them a moment of acknowledgment (i.e. “Yes, I hear you. Ok, big deal.”) might help you not have them as recurrently. If things don’t get better and you feel like you are losing more control then I would encourage you to see your physician.
Usually to be diagnosed with OCD you need to be exibiting compulsive behaviors as well as obtrusive thoughts. If you want to know if you qualify for the diagnosis, I recommend that you set up an appointment with your primary care physician and go from there. He/she may refer you on to a psychiatrist and/or therapist for further evaluation. Although OCD is not necessarily “curable,” both medication and behavioral skills can be used to diminish its symptoms and allow for a “normal” lifestyle.
You may find the following article useful. It is written in Christian language, but not by an LDS author so there may be a few doctrinal differences.
Other useful sites:
Good luck and I encourage you to write me back with an update.
The Mormon Therapist
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