The church needs to come out with more defined guidelines…

If different bishops treat this so differently, then the church needs to come out with more clear, defined guidelines.

Most LDS women, upon learning that their husband masturbates even occasionally are more likely to have thoughts of divorce than they are to have it move them “towards a more intimate and loving relationship.”

No matter how many guidelines the church comes out with, there will always be differences on how situations are treated and handled. This is because the gospel and its principles are being lived by unique individuals, each with their own personalized set of needs, trials, strengths, weaknesses, etc. Not only are personality, culture and personal bias important to factor in when it comes to different bishops, but individual humility, repentant attitude, and willingness are also equally influential when it comes to the confessor.

Throughout my personal life and also seeing many people go through the repentance process, I have a strong testimony that we all have different learning styles. You may have two children who have exhibited exactly the same wrong behavior. However, because as a loving parent you know their individual needs and likely reactions, you realize that one will learn better from a time-out while another needs their favorite toy taken away. It is very similar in our relationship with God. My advice is to not get caught up in the differences we may experience along the road of repentance but rather on the similarities the atonement affords all of us.

As far as what we are doing when we learn of a spouse’s incorrect behavior, I hope that any trial we may come across in marriage will be met with the following attitude and questions:

• How can or will this trial bring us closer together?
• What can I personally learn from this trial?
• What do I think my spouse will learn from this trial?
• What have I learned about my own personal strengths/weaknesses? My spouse’s strengths/weaknesses?
• What resources do we have available to us?
• How would Heavenly Father want me to handle this?
• How will Heavenly Father buoy me up as I go through this?
• How does the atonement apply in this situation?
• If I was in my spouse’s shoes, how would I want to be treated?
• How do I want my spouse to treat me through this difficult time?
• How will we be more mature and intimately connected when we see this through?