The Mormon Therapist
I have followed your blog now for several months and have found it insightful & helpful on many levels. Thanks for all you do!
Here is an issue I have not seen addressed yet. What is a couple to do when the man’s body no longer can do the necessary physical motions required for sexual satisfaction. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. After a normal session I pay the price. For two or three days I experience back pain and discomfort that makes me wonder if the time is over for this type of activity. Yes, I have been to the Doctor and to a chiropractor and they tell me among other things I have a tipped pelvis and are both surprised I don’t experience more consistent pain just from everyday activities. Long story short, my dear wife has always been in the low or no libido state for 30 + years of marriage and would probably be just fine if it went away. I, on the other hand have had a high libido, thus frustrated for most of our marriage:) Yes, I can smile about it because other than this we have had a wonderful ride. We were both raised in ultra conservative LDS homes and other than the standard missionary position not much else is considered appropriate by the better half. In closing I ask : Is that all there is? Is it time to pick up wood carving and spend more time doing family history?
I very much appreciate your comments and questions since sexuality within the context of the older adult is often overlooked and has many stereotypes and misconceptions associated with it. Unfortunately this has much to do with our overall perceptions of sex and what it entails to be “sexually active.” Sexual activity does not need to be limited to traditional intercourse or even always end in orgasm. There are many other ways to connect and explore our physical intimacy with our spouse. As we get older, we are sometimes limited in our physical activity due to illness or other physical limitations. However, this does not mean we should become stagnant. The same applies for our sexual activity. Massage, mutual manual and/or oral stimulation, caresses, cuddling, etc. are all part of physical intimacy that can be highly satisfying, enjoyable and bond producing.
As far as the rigid interpretations that people may have regarding sexuality, it is never too late to challenge ourselves, grow and progress towards something better and healthier. It sounds like you and your wife have developed many strengths over the years. Hopefully you could use these strengths to start a new type of discussion and conversation regarding this very sacred and divine part of your relationship. If the two of you struggle doing this alone, you may want to consider marital and/or sex therapy.
As far as the wood working and family history- you really made me laugh 🙂 – part of being an older adult is that hopefully you have more time to dedicate to personal hobbies and interests that bring you joy, satisfaction and mental stimulation. However, these endeavors should not be a substitute for sexuality. The sexual part of our spousal relationship is something we should always be willing to work on as much as possible.
The following article has a lot of very useful information. At the bottom you will find other links to even more articles on this topic.
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