Is it too easy to get divorced?

I realize this is somewhat of a rhetorical question, but I wanted to point out that one of the myths about divorce is that it is an “easy” decision.  An “easy” way out.  The Good Divorce by Constance Ahrons addresses research on this very topic.  Most people who have decided to get a divorce make this decision after years of heartbreak, indecision, doubt, second-guessing themselves, therapy, etc.  This has especially been my experience within the LDS culture.  In fact, because of our beliefs surrounding the phrase “endure to the end,” many endure things even church leaders have said legitimately break a marital contract (i.e. physical, emotional and sexual abuse; chronic infidelity; chronic addiction; chronic dishonesty, etc.).  I’m not saying everyone in these situations should choose to get a divorce (this is a highly personal decision affecting many facets of ones life).  I am saying that many who would otherwise choose to get a divorce don’t because of the cultural religious pressure to not give up.

It is true that there are less divorces in societies where there are arranged marriages – there is less choice in general.  And I’m not sure this is a better alternative.  In fact, I think it is a much worse alternative.  Many of these societies have huge issues with women’s rights and it’s difficult to gain an accurate portrayal of the level of “happiness” or contentment within the marriages of these cultures.  Just because these couples stay married does not imply that they are “sitting down and working it out.”  This is not to say that there aren’t many who have found a wonderful mate through arranged marriage – it’s just important to note that there are many other factors that contribute to whether or not these marriages “work.”

The decision to divorce is a painful enough process without having to face the judgment of fellow members within our church.  May we all do better at not making assumptions of other people’s situations and not get our measuring sticks out to try and judge whether or not the divorce was “too easy.”