FYI: Feminist Mormon Housewives

First and foremost I would like to thank you all for the very warm welcome to FMH! Your comments were so heart warming and edifying for me. Thank you!
Secondly, I already want to offer an apology that I will never be able to keep up with all of the questions/comments sent my way – even though I feel this desperate, almost obsessive-compulsive drive to do so (I’ll try to stay away from self-diagnosing comments, I promise).  Is this my Mormon guilt, my woman guilt or just normal “there is never enough time to do all I want to do” guilt kicking in? Ahhh, the complexities of finding a root cause. On a serious note, I feel the heartfelt pain, confusion and oftentimes helplessness or hopelessness that many who reach out to me, or others like me, are experiencing. I’m hoping that both through this venue and that of my blog – some, if not all, of the themes or questions that people have will get answered – or at least through getting to know my style you might be able to imagine what I might say in your situation.
There were several comments regarding my approach to my profession so my third purpose in writing today is to give a brief overview of my professional style. Here goes a very short and lame attempt of putting into a few paragraphs what I could easily spend a dissertation on. My overall focus in wearing my “mental health practitioner” hat is that of moving towards emotional, spiritual and physical health. My overall focus in wearing my “Mormon” hat is that of moving towards the unconditional love, grace and mercy of a limitless God. In a nutshell these foci encompass my entire “agenda.” Waxing ideally philosophical, there would never be a contradiction between the two.
However, when human intellect and culture join the mix, contradiction inevitably will arise. It’s at these times when I try to be very clear with clients, referring bishops or stake presidents, parents, etc. that as a therapist my first priority lies within the ethics of my profession. In my professional office I am not an ecclesiastical leader, I am not a “shoulder” (“you should” or “you shouldn’t” – unless we are talking about specific abusive behaviors), I am not a defender of the Mormon faith or of any other faith, I am not a confessional, and I am not a policing force. I am a therapist and I am an educator. The basic role of a therapist, albeit through numerous and differing styles, is to allow for a safe environment for self and systemic exploration. If my clients don’t feel safe to question, embrace, convert to or even abandon their theology/faith/dogma within my presence – then I have failed them as a therapist.
I made a choice early in my career that I would do my best not to allow fear to command my professional decisions. Specifically, the fears of a. being disapproved of (especially by ecclesiastical leaders and/or other Mormon members), b. losing clients, and/or c. standing up for my best attempt at understanding truth. This may wax corny, but it is in facing these fears where I relied and currently rely on my faith and deity relationship to make the best decisions and come to the best conclusions I know how.
My advertising of myself as a Mormon solely means I am of that faith and therefore, will understand the basic tenets, doctrines, expectations, cultural ramifications and language within. Many will find my being Mormon useful in either feeling safe, feeling comfortable and/or avoiding the “having to explain” factor. Many will not find it useful and would want an “outsider,” more objective perspective. I am fully aware that my Mormonism makes me less objective when treating those within my faith structure. I will understand things that maybe a non-Mormon therapist would not have insight to. At the same time, both the client and I may take things for granted or assume things that are not necessarily the case. Although I will not purposefully advise or ask clients to explore things that would go against their moral/ethical values, whether within or outside the Mormon faith – if we have a different understanding of what it means to be a Mormon, I am sure there will be times clients might be surprised. This has happened both from a “you’re too liberal” and a “you’re too conservative” frame of thought.
I recognize these are pitfalls and problems I may not always be able to avoid nor be completely aware of. At the same time, I cannot escape the fact that I am both Mormon and a therapist. My professionalism will always be affected by both. And I choose to work within the realms of these worlds because it is deeply rewarding – because I see a need – because I love being able to talk the language of health and of theology under the same umbrella. Maybe because of the most ultimate bias and countertransference of all: it is where I am most comfortable.
I encourage my readers to take all I have to say in context of my “agenda.” Please feel free to challenge me – hopefully politely – for it is through challenge that I grow and am forced to rethink my positions and assumptions on a regular basis. It is healthy for all of us that I do so. Please do not take what I have to say as your “truth.” If something I state does not resonate with you, trust your own gut and instinct in balance with considering what my message is. It is difficult as I write to know how it will be taken by each individual. What I may say to one client that faces depression might look quite different from another who also faces depression depending on life experience, age, personality, goals, etc. Please do not see me as some infallible expert – instead, join with me as a team player, trusting your own voice in this process as well.
I feel privileged to work among you. I feel privileged to feel of your awe inspiring strength, intellect and kindness. I feel privileged to be one of you.