The Mormon Therapist
I am 28 years old. I was overweight as a child and by age 15 I was 250 pounds. At 18 I decided this was not working for me and from 18 to 21 I lost over 100 pounds. I got to about 140 and then went on an LDS mission. I lost the weight the healthy way exercising and eating well. Then I went on my mission to NYC. I was somewhat forced to eat bad food on my mission at dinner appointments and the thought of gaining weight scared me so I started spitting food into my napkin and then throwing it in the garbage. So I chew food and spit it out. I have been doing this off and on for the last 7 years. I go for a few months then I do it again. I’m addicted. Its terrible and I want to stop but every time I do I start to gain weight. I told my husband and parents and they say just stop…in a loving way. Is this something I need to go to my bishop about? We cannot afford counseling. I just don’t know what do do about it…. I know this is not keeping the word of wisdom…does this keep me from the temple? I feel like I am a good person, served a mission, have a wonderful life, husband and son. Everything around me seems so wonderful and perfect but I look in the mirror and all I see is a how fat I am.
First of all I want to commend you for reaching out. I know it can be incredibly difficult and/or embarrassing to discuss these types of issues. Eating disorders can be very frustrating to deal with and are unfortunately common within the LDS population. This is one of the areas where our LDS culture, high expectations and righteous desires to achieve perfection can become negatively skewed, resulting in our detriment instead of the progression Heavenly Father intends. I don’t currently have the resource, but I once read that BYU was the leading university nationwide for occurrence of eating disorders. This does not surprise me. The pressure women and girls of all ages feel to fit a certain clothing size and to look a certain way is a huge problem we face in our society as a whole. Then add to that the very real LDS expectations of being good, moral, educated, exceptional, etc. women: and this can act as a catalyst for LDS women to desperately struggle with feelings of never seeming “good enough.” And therein lies a great breeding ground for eating disorders.
Yes, we are asked to keep the Word of Wisdom, which has many implications and which most of us at some level or another do not obey perfectly. Heavenly Father’s purpose in presenting these teachings are to help us have the healthiest lifestyles possible. The questions that are asked in the temple recommend interview specifically deal with the use of coffee, tea, nicotine, alcohol and elicit drugs. Next time you’re in the temple you will notice that there are both overweight and underweight patrons. If being at the “perfect weight” or having a “perfect diet” were requisites for getting temple recommends, our temples would be in desperate need of attendance. Although I cannot speak for your bishop obviously, I would be very surprised if this problem would keep you from temple attendance. I have never heard of such a case.
The perception that we must be flawless to enter the temple is incorrect and I hope you can begin to release the sources of inappropriate guilt you are feeling. In fact, in order to be most successful in letting go of the eating habits you describe wanting to decrease, you will need to face the sources of this guilt and/or shame.
There are some things I would want to clarify before finalizing the comments I’m about to give you because I’m not sure you classify as being diagnosed with a full-blown eating disorder:
- Are you currently at a “healthy” weight for your height (within the BMI range).
- It doesn’t sound like you throw up your food. Is this correct?
- You also don’t mention binging. Is this something that you do?
The classic eating disorders are as follow (and I’m providing links to the mayo clinic for more information on each one):
- Anorexia Nervosa
- Bulimia Nervosa
- Binge Eating Disorder
- Nonspecific Eating Disorder (in other words still deemed a disorder, but does not meet the criteria for the disorders listed above)
Body Dysmorphic Disorder, although not an actual eating disorder, can be related. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder may also be an option to look into as a possible diagnosis. The important thing to remember about all of these is that they are classified as diseases. And diseases need treatment. This should not be something you try to tackle on your own: you will be much less likely to succeed and failure will exacerbate the patterns of guilt and shame that you already are dealing with creating a very negative cycle that becomes increasingly more difficult to overcome. I would recommend that you begin with your primary care physician and/or obgyn and get a proper referral to correctly diagnose your condition- if it is that you have one. Treatment may include all or some of the following: medication, individual therapy, marital/family therapy, nutrition counseling, psychoeducation, and for more extreme cases inpatient treatment (a hospital or clinic stay). Make sure you ask to see therapists who specialize in the treatment of eating disorders. I also recommend discussing this with your bishop and/or relief society president, so that they can hopefully be useful tools in your life to help you begin dissipating the unnecessary guilt you are suffering with.
Most insurance companies will cover at least some of the costs associated with eating disorders. If you are not in this position, I would encourage you to ask for both church and extended family financial help to support the treatment you need. You have the right to ask for this. You are worth it!
BYU also has a useful page regarding eating disorders and treatment options.
NEDA is the National Eating Disorders Association and can be a useful site for referrals and general information.
I wish you the very best. Please feel free to write back with any progress or pitfalls you feel you are encountering. I also hope this can begin a discussion with others who are in similar shoes.
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