A Hidden Message in Autism Code

Ali Family Autism Truths #23 – April 23, 2016

No lengthy post tonight. Just this photo. After a pretty good day, things headed downhill fast post-dinner for D. I went up to sit with him, knowing there probably wasn’t much I could do. Heck, I figured he’d just get more upset by having a body close by. But, I figured I could lurk in the corner of his bedroom. As I’ve written numerous times before, sometimes all I can do is just be with him, however close he’ll let me be.

It’s as much for me as it is for him.

Tonight he took my hand though. Grasped it, then let go. Then grasped it again. Pumped it furiously in his own hand against the plush lounge chair in his room to indicate how upset he was. The whys, though, escaped me, as it has too many times. Then he took my hand again. and squeezed before letting go and pushing me away.

In the holding of hands, there is a message hidden in autism code that sometimes I can interpret — and sometimes I cannot. For a boy who has never been a hand holder, who doesn’t like his fingers to be grasped, there is something profound in the physical contact. His slender fingers in mine. His momentary grasp transmitting something that I wish I understood the way it was meant to be understood.

The truth is, even in the most distraught and upsetting of moments, even when there is nothing one can do to ease the pain and grief, we offer our comfort by just being. And, it is as comforting to us to be received as it is to give.