A No Filters Life

Ali Family Autism Truths #4 – April 4, 2016

Two separate comments from autism families – one right here where I live and one across the world in India – kind of said it all today.

From a dear friend, who has two sons with autism, both of whom have been D’s classmates over the years (pardon the language): Autism makes people bitter or burns off the bullshit.

From a friend in India, whom I’ve gotten to know online over the years, who posted this about his son in reference to the notion that too many people still have that being autistic means being great at something, or a savant at something, ala “Rainman”:

A lot of autistic folks like Abhi are just that, autistic people. No special talent except good at being golden hearted people without the least ill-will or malice toward anyone, anyone at all. And that’s saying a lot in today’s world. It could by itself qualify as a special talent.

Both of these statements speak such truths to me and to our Ali Family Autism Truths. Or, to quote another cliché – Get busy living, or get busy dying.

D’s autism diagnosis changed fundamentally changed a lot of things for us, so much so that we watch family and friends do different things — from mundane activities like running errands with their kids or everyone going to the movies to bigger things like family vacations – and we think: What is that life? That’s not us.

But frankly, we don’t sit around licking our wounds because there’s nothing to be bitter about (on most days, at least). What is, is. D has autism. That’s a truth that will always be with him, with us. So we can be bitter or we can let go of the bullshit of life. The latter is working better for us.

D, to me, is the embodiment of living the most authentic, the rawest of life — where the filters are down. All his cards are laid out for you. You take him as he is, or you’re part of the bullshit. Plain and simple. And by this, I don’t mean to say he (and us alongside him) haven’t worked harder than hard at various therapies, underwent different medical treatments (for his various medical issues) and spent a large portion of his life learning that which is so hard for him to learn and unlearning things that are so hard for him to unlearn.

After all, to live in this world means learning to live in this world, warts and all.

And so D works hard to figure things out, to figure out his own way, more so than anyone I know. Without any ill-will or malice toward anyone (as far as I can tell).

That’s a truth I wish all of us could claim.