i start again tomorrow

Tomorrow I start full time as the pastor of Rothesay Vineyard, yet again, and I’m feeling very, very nervous. Why? Here’s a few theories, one or all of which may be true:

1. It’s the first time in four years I’ve been responsible for a church?
2. the last time I was responsible for a church, I was excused from the ministry for “insubordination” (and I’m a little skiddish as a result)?
3. for the last four years, I’ve been free as a bird and unaccountable to anyone?
4. now I have a real job where I can’t just do as I please?
5. I have teenagers who aren’t the perfect little pastor’s kids?
6. I was always called to be an artist, and I’m running away from the terrible insecurity of that profession that has only got me further in debt?
7. last time I became pastor of this church, it split (definition of insanity: doing the same thing while expecting different results)?
8. I feel this church is about to be pushed deeper into the radical grace of God in Jesus and I’m not sure how we’re going to take it or how well I’ll lead it?
9. doug and I won’t be doing this together in the same way… I’ll miss him and I’m afraid of the loneliness and isolation?
10. responsibility for a church is a fearful thing… I SHOULD be nervous?

Any thoughts or prayers?