Exorcise the Censors!

Somebody recently told me the reason I left the church was because I am an artist, and we tend to be so sensitive. The look of pity on his face and the sound of condescension in his voice was revolting. I corrected him right then and there.

I know that this person has heard things from a certain angle. Yes, a very difficult conversation was the last straw that revealed to me that it was finally time for me to resign. Sure my feelings were hurt. But that’s not why I left the church. I simply knew it was time for my own and for the church’s sakes.

Funny: I steadfastly endured years and years and years of crap and when I finally know its time to leave, people are quick to say I am weak, sensitive, and silly. They have no idea what they are talking about.

So why do I still feel beholden? Why do I still feel I have to watch what I say and what I do? Why do I still feel I am representing something? Why do I still feel like I might get another call from headquarters challenging me on my theology? Why do I still feel threatened with rapid repercussions if I step out of line? Why do I still harbor censors in my head? Weird, isn’t it?

So, in the midst of this weirdness, a good friend who has no idea what I’ve been dealing with,  sends me a message. I’ll share it with you:

David…I want to say something and I hope it comes across in an encouraging way. I am eager for the day you write, create and express your thoughts, ideas and feeling free from the constraints of a censor… where your detractors, dissenters and the disgruntled are not in your head as you communicate.

I hope you experience an immediate community…physically & not just ‘virtually’ present, who will drink wine & scotch with you, listen to you, and without a moments hesitation respond to your most audacious statement with one of equal or greater measure.

I bless where you’ve been…and who you’ve been with…but honestly, I’m most excited about where you’re going, and who you’re going to meet and I just really want to encourage you…with these stupid limp, flaccid, f*!king words…

It’s a new day David, you’ve passed the torch…now start a f*!king bonfire.