Cap’n Hoe!

My son decided, without any knowledge (to my knowledge) of recent events, to create a new character last night. He loves to pretend to be a pirate — Yet last night he played one who’d lost his right hand and had it replaced by a plastic hoe. I dubbed him, innocently enough, “Cap’n Hoe!”

“Ho, ho! Cap’n Hoe!”

My soon-to-be-teen came in from homework saying, “Dad! Stop saying that!”

I said, “What?”

She said, “Cap’n Hoe!”

“I was thinking of blogging it.”

“Dad, don’t! You’ll probably get kicked off of Blogger — and even lose your radio program.”

Later, my youngest, who had been quietly persistently working with scissors, pencil and bag, announced her new creation: An American Eagle! (Imagine a white paper lunch bag with pencil drawn eyes and tiny V-shaped beak with styrofoam packing inserts for wings.)

Then, to the shock of myself and Cap’n Hoe, she took the pirate’s pistol and shot him! She killed the eagle!

We both at the same time said: “That’s illegal!”

“What?” she asked.

Cap’n Hoe said … “You can’t shoot an American Eagle, it’s illegal. Illegal means it will get you elected … ellected … allected … arrgh! … It means you go to jail!”

Cap’n Hoe said, “I kept saying elected instead of ARRESTED!”

The End.

This blog post has absolutely no point whatsoever. Except, perhaps, to say that: I’ve never been a fan of shock-jocks nor Gansta Rap. If the whole radio media industry begins to clean up their act … that would be a good thing.