TOP TEN: Southern Orthodox

YOU KNOW YOU’RE SOUTHERN ORTHODOX WHEN:

10) At Pentecost, your church is decorated with Kudzu.

9) You spell “feast” with only three letters: B B Q.

8) You say “Father,” “Barsonuphios,” and “Monastery” without any pronouncing an “r.”

7) You drive 3 hours to an Orthodox Church. But, could hop … on one foot … with your eyes closed … (and a rock in your shoe) … to the nearest Baptist Church.

6) All your services are all in English — at least that’s what YOU call it.

5) There’s women in your church known as: Photini Beth, Thecla Beth, and Elizabeth Beth.

4) There’s men going by: Athanasius Lee, Euphrosynos Lee, and Vasiliy Lee.

3) You got white folks, black folks — even Democrats — in your parish, but no Russians, Serbians, Arabs or Greeks.

2) You know someone who knows someone who knows someone with a velvet picture of Elvis celebrating the Last Supper.

AND … the number one sign that you are an Orthodox Southerner:

1) You think grits are too good to be considered fasting!

(copyright 2000 – Fr Joseph Huneycutt)