Sarcastic Devotionals for Angry or Worn Out People

Sarcastic Devotionals for Angry or Worn Out People April 9, 2014

Desperation has finally arrived. I got through the whole morning yesterday and then climbed back in bed after the opening of the fridge made me realize that being anywhere near it for one more second would probably lead to my death. I'm going to try again this morning, but without opening the fridge. One hopes for better things. And yes, it really is the flu and not something else, like being pregnant. Unfortunately, you don't get anything nice at the end of the flu, like a baby, you just get to stop feeling sick. So anyway, I don't have anything to blog about because I've done nothing, read nothing, and thought nothing. But I have working on, for the past several months, little…what do you call them…somethings about the bible. Devotionals? Not really. But maybe sort of. So, because I've come to the end, I'll put the first one up here. And it may be a help to you because if you thought you'd read through the bible in a year, or you thought you'd read through the New Testament in lent, and you stopped both times, well, what better time than to start again now in April. Pretend it's Easter and start back at the beginning.

 

Day One

Genesis 1:1

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.”

That's right, Honey. Crack open that big fat dusty two toned faux leather Women's Daily Devotional Bible and give it a good wipe down. It wasn't the bible you wanted, when you stood there in the bad lighting, surrounded by every size and shape of bible, but you had a child lying on the floor screaming and so your stupid “fun” idea of going to a place you thought would bring you peace and calm culminated in the angry purchase of another bible you didn't need and didn't want. Whatever, it's the one you have in your hands so pry it open and set aside the fact that you don't like the translation and all the little notes and pictures are irritating and not helpful. Set aside that you haven't heard a whole sermon in five years and that you don't really like your church and the preaching is hit and miss. Set aside that you have too many things on your plate and your kid, since you gave birth to the blessed sucker, has just brought you hour upon hour of work and anxiety. This is the beginning.

Long long ago, in the beginning before all other beginnings, God, for purposes of his own, took the trouble to create not only the vast heavens and rich earth, but to begin to prepare a place for you. He planned, he measured, he foresaw, he foreknew. He wanted, from before all time, for you to sit here, helpless and exhausted, with this dusty, tiny print book in front of you and cast your internal gaze up for a while and consider who he is and what he has done.


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