Jesus will “guide” Trump?

Jesus will “guide” Trump? February 1, 2016

I was just shocked into awakeness as I was struggling through this article, by Matt announcing that today is the Hawkeye Cauci, the name of which I should probably go read about since why it would be called that seems unfathomable, which is one reason I love American politics So Much. I literaly have no idea why anything is happening the way it is most of the time and am therefore always extremely curious to try to understand.

Take this awesome awesome gem from the article.

“On Sunday the Republican front-runner, who is a Presbyterian, attended a non-denominational church witrh his wife Melania in Council Bluffs, Iowa. He took Communion but momentarily became confused and tried to put some money on one of the silver plates being passed around.
“I thought it was for offering,” he explained and laughed.
The pastor told Mr Trump that “Jesus will guide your decisions”. Mr Trump replied: “Thank you, I need that.”

This is so thrillingly bad I almost don’t know where to begin. And really, the possibility of having four whole years of this kind of crazy is almost too enticing for me to not cast my ballot for it (don’t freak out, I will try to pray a lot and stuff before I trot over to my polling place, maybe God will speak a word into my heart as I’m voting, causing me not to abandon all my principles). The line which precedes the above quote includes Trump talking to all evangelicals everywhere, ‘I won’t let you down man’ (I added that last word), which must be, surely, all the assurance that anyone needs. Won’t let me down? Well, I’m sold.

So I’m going to poke the Hornets’ Nest and say that Trump trying to put his money in the communion plate isn’t the problem with this little episode. In fact, he’s not the problem at all. I would hope every Christian, or even every evangelical (that was just a little joke) would have spotted the problem and shuddered mightily the moment the eye cast over it. If you didn’t see it, well, I’ll go ahead and point it out because it is Monday, and a gray one at that. Ready?

The PASTOR TOLD Trump that Jesus himself would guide Trump’s decisions.!!!!!!!!!!
Not some creepy guy at the back of the church, not a funny but confused lady over the donuts in the church hall, The Pastor said it.

So, I wonder, how would Jesus go about guiding Trump’s decisions? Is he going to appear in the form of a dove and light on Trump’s shoulder in moments of intense decision making? Is he going to whisper in his ear? If he’s already been guiding him he’s done a terrible terrible job because Trump believes himself very strongly to be a morally good person. Which is hugely unfair because Jesus has never told me that, and yet I am not thrice divorced and do not mismanage my pittance and leave my contracts and debts to be sorted out by the government. Is Jesus suddenly confused?

I mean, color me happy that Trump has his mother’s bible to wave around, but unless he cracks it open and reads it (and were he to do that, bless my soul, how on earth would he understand what it said) how is Jesus going to guide his decisions? I mean, do we really want to Blame Jesus for all the stuff Trump would potentially do as president?

It was the pastor who said this. I’m going to spend the rest of the day casting around for a different word than “evangelical”. I think it’s pretty clear that the year 2016 was the year that baby jumped the shark.

Good luck caucusing out there! Stay warm!


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