International Women’s Day and Daylight Savings Time Mashup

Is it already day? That’s too bad.

I have two treats this morning. First is a little post over at SF:

Between International Women’s Day and Daylight Savings Time we’re all in a pickle. What can God possibly do for us? Let us consider the matter, and what may be done.

A quick glance at the history of IWD on Wikipedia told me a lot more than I wanted to know. It was invented by the Socialist Party of America in 1909, along with the Russians (gosh, they really are always poking their nose our politics, aren’t they) and went from thence to Beyoncé. Personally, I think it’s too bad that it had to fall on a Sunday, and one in which all the lections would be exclusively—or at least it seems that way at first glance—about men. What with Abraham first, and Nicodemus afterward, and, of course, Jesus, I don’t know how any right-minded woman will be able to endure church this morning.

Indeed, the Abraham text is practically shocking. In the first place, God calls Abraham and doesn’t even tell him to consult his wife. In the second place, the call itself is a major hassle. He is told to pack up his household—all of his stuff, and all of his people, of which, being so rich, he has plenty of both—and drift over to “the place God will show him.” It’ll be great, says God, and then somehow Abraham has to tell Sarah about it. Of course, back then, they were both Abram and Sarai, and they were but young spring chickens. Abraham was only seventy-five. I’m sure Sarah was just as excited about it all as he was. I know Matt loves to come tell me stuff, like, ‘Hey sweetie, there’s a meeting I signed you up for this week.’ And I’m all like, (just like Sarah calling Abraham ‘Lord’), ‘Oh yes! It’s very easy for me to clear my schedule. Hey! I even have time to make snacks!’

The important thing to remember, though, is that Abraham and Sarah were rich—very rich—and they had servants. Sarah wasn’t managing that whole camp on her own. There are a lot of people attached to them—enough that when Abraham rushes off to rescue Lot, he has a small army, basically, at his disposal. But what are riches without children? That was always the question in that ancient, irrelevant, patriarchal past.

Anyway, God calls Abraham—how dare he—and strings the promise out endlessly, embroiling childless, disappointed, increasingly angry Sarah in the whole wretched mess…read the rest here!

And THEN, here is my advice about how to get your children ready to lose an hour of precious sleep!

First, “Make sure you child is well rested in general.” Which would have meant planning ahead like you’re God or someone.

Second, “Shift the child’s bedtime schedule a week before” so as to feel no effects of the time change, because apparently you really are divine, or at least endowed with super human powers, like, um, like, um, like someone endowed with superhuman powers. And also, you have nothing whatever to do but prepare your child for the looming trauma of feeling off kilter for weeks and weeks and weeks.

“Be verbal about what’s really going on“–which used to be called ‘talking’ but that expression has apparently become a passé. Instead of talking to your child, you can ‘be verbal.’ Because when you don’t get enough sleep, language itself is destroyed forever.

“Lead by example.” As in, go to bed earlier yourself. Why don’t you get right on that. I’m sure you’re already going to bed at a decent time, so just make it one hour earlier for a whole week leading up to the apocalypse. Oops! Too late! You’re reading this important advice After The Time Change….read the rest here.

And also, GO TO CHURCH.