The PG Bible

Most Americans are familiar with Thomas Jefferson’s edition of the Bible, the one in which he cut out the objectionable parts. H.L. Mencken proposed his own version of the Bible, an expurgated one. Here‘s a sample:

As the Bible would have to be edited if it were printed as a serial in The Sun:

For a fire is kindled to mine anger, and shall burn unto the lowest h–l.—Deuteronomy, xxxii, 22.

He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that belteveth not shall be d——d.–Mark, xvi, 16.

Which devour widows’ houses, and for a show make long prayers: the same shall receive greater d—nation.–Luke, xx, 47.

How is the faithful city become an inmate of a disorderly house.—Isaiah, i, 21.

And said, I cried by reason of mine affliction unto the Lord, and he heard me: out of the internal organs of h——l cried I, and thou heardest my voice.—Jonah, ii, 2.

Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the d——nation of h——l?—Matthew, xxiii, 33.

And there was a certain disciple at D—ascus.—Acts, ix, 10.

The righteous eateth to the satisfying of his soul, but the abdomen of the wicked shall want.—Proverbs, xiii, 25.

My vermiform appendix, my vermiform appendix! I am pained at my very heart!–Jeremiah, iv, 19.

Mine eyes do fail with tears, I suffer from a slight internal complaint.—Lamentations, ii, 11.

And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and h——l delivered up the dead which were in them.–Revelation, xx, 13.

Apparently the Sunpapers had a ban on harlots:

How is the faithful city become an harlot! it was full of judgment; righteousness lodged in it; but now murderers. Is i, 21

On bellies:

The righteous eateth to the satisfying of his soul: but the belly of the wicked shall want. Prov. xiii, 25

On bowels:

My bowels, my bowels! I am pained at my very heart; my heart maketh a noise in me; I cannot hold my peace, because thou hast heard, O my soul, the sound of the trumpet, the alarm of war. Jer 4, 19

Mine eyes do fail with tears, my bowels are troubled, Lam ii, 11

So much for putting the Bible back in public schools.

Image by Charles Wilson Peale