Why the Fascination?

So many people are fascinated with my fertility. It used to shock me when people would ask if we planned to have more children or if I were pregnant already (I’m not, so don’t ask me!). I just couldn’t understand the preoccupation that friends, family and complete strangers had with the private workings of my body and my marriage. While I could go blissfully through my day without ever asking that mom of two at the store if she’s contracepting, she can’t seem to control her curiosity about me.

I blame it in part on our reality show culture. When cameras follow people into the bathroom and other people eagerly watch, people lose any sense of personal boundaries. There seem to be no questions too personal to ask, and nothing too private to answer.

The rest of it, from what I can see, is that we are like the freak show at the circus. We’re a throwback to a simpler time. We have a big family, bake our own bread, educate our own children, make our own laundry soap, etc. I guess we’re lucky that we’re not getting poked at with sticks.

It doesn’t really explain the level of fascination that I and my big-family-friends run into. A friend and I were lamenting the other day that we can’t be tired or forgetful within earshot of anyone without the inevitable question, “Are you pregnant?” popping up. Don’t ask us that. If we are, then we want to announce it on our own terms, and if we aren’t then you’re just being annoying. If we are, we may have reasons for not telling you like wanting to tell someone else first (my husband perhaps?) or because something is going wrong and we don’t want to talk about it. If we’re not, there may be a reason why that we don’t want to talk about it or we may be planning on trying tonight and don’t want to jinx it. Whatever the reason, it’s personal and private, so unless you’re my best friend, mind your own business.

Moms of big families can’t hide their sex lives the way that moms of small families can. We don’t blend into anything, we parade our love lives around following after us for everyone to see. That doesn’t make them any less private. Our fertility is a gift from God to us and our husbands. God offered most people the same gift, the only difference is that we accepted it.