A Fuzzy Lump

I had my first appointment with my midwife yesterday. Just writing down dates and listening for a heartbeat and that always breathtaking moment when the ultrasound wand passes over your womb and there on the screen is your little love sleeping soundly, safely nestled in beneath your heart. So much hope, joy and fear embodied by a blur on a screen.

Our lump was napping. Snuggled up tightly. My midwife tried everything she could to wake him/her up, but the little one just stretched a bit and rolled over and went back to sleep. I guess it’s hard to impress baby #6 even in utero. No amount of noise or quick movements made by the grownups can begin to compare to the jerky loudness that is a 22 month old brother.

It is amazing to think that a generation ago women didn’t have this window into their own bodies. The complexities of what was happening within them was a mystery shielded from them by biology. Without the knowledge we have gained, people believed that these growing children were just formless lumps. Now we can glimpse, although not clearly, the mystery which was known only to God. We can see the humanity of even the smallest of human beings as they jump and kick, suck thumbs, yawn and curl up in a sleepy ball and settle in for a little nap. Knowledge which was unfathomable to prior generations of parents is accepted now, not as a miracle, but as customary. If this technology had existed 40 years ago, would we have had Roe v. Wade? Would we have debates about the existence of life we can clearly see or would it be firmly settled?

All I know is the joy of seeing my own blurry, fuzzy lump with its furiously beating heart, growing and stretching and waiting until the day arrives at last when my love and I can know each other face to face.