On Names and Godparents

Is there anything guaranteed to kick off a quarrel in an otherwise harmonious household faster than naming a new baby and picking godparents? The only hotter topic around here was whether or not to circumcise #2. (I won. They’re all the way God made them.) Fortunately, the circumcision argument was a one time thing. So what if it lasted 3 months? The name and godparent thing comes up every time.

I have declared my love of a girl name that happens to be both the name of my favorite aunt (you know who you are) and a saint for whom I have great affection. Family connection and a great saint, it should be the end of the story, and I thought it was. Until my sweet Computer Guy fell in love with a name that is “cute.” Seriously? That’s his reasoning, “it’s so cute.” Who wants a girl with a cute name? No. We want strong, proud names that can carry them through life and not seem ridiculous when they’re 90.

I’m dangerously close to the point of pulling rank here. I know he’s the head of the household, but one of us has to push the little darling out of her hoo-hah and the other one has to be in the room. I think that gives me the upper hand in this whole baby naming debate. Let she who has to birth the little dear name the sweet thing. If he wants naming control, then he can birth the next one.

Then there’s the whole godparent debate….Who do we pick? Will it hurt the feelings of some other friend or relative that they weren’t the chosen one? Probably. I hate hurting feelings, but we’re at the point of it being inevitable here. People have started saying things like, “Okay. This is the sixth one and I thought we were pretty good friends. Do I ever get to be one of your children’s godparent?” Never mind that the close friend is a Buddhist who spends his weekends as his alter ego “Lady Mandarin” and looks better in a dress than I do. Perhaps I should just post a bulletin that anyone who’s hotter than me is not going to be a godparent because I want to be the cute one in the pictures. That would remove the whole thorny “You’re not a Catholic. You’re going to Hell and you’re not taking my baby with you” argument. They can just take pride in their hotness and I can still go to family reunions without fearing that the chocolate cake is poisoned.

People take this whole name and godparent thing and make it about them. If I name the baby your name, it may be about you or it may be a coincidence. Don’t ask unless you can take the truth without hating me. If I don’t ask you to take responsibility for my child’s eternal well-being, it’s not that I don’t love you or like you…well, it may be…but chances are that I’ve prayed about it and God led me to someone else. Or it could be that I’m not taking pictures next to a guy who looks better than me in a dress. Whatever.