Tim Allen Syndrome

My husband is suffering from Tim Allen Syndrome, the poor thing, and I think many others are suffering as well. It’s worse than the Swine Flu and a tad bit more annoying. Although if they keep talking nothing but swine flu non-stop on my television then TAS will be quickly moved down the list.

I have been aware of his symptoms for a while now as he exhibited the classic “bigger is better” mentality of most married men in their mid 30’s or older. I once asked him for a scoop of ice cream and he brought back an entire ice cream cake. I told him I’d like a few kids and we’re expecting our sixth. I tell him we need some meat from the store and he comes home with half a cow. You get the idea. He tends to go a bit overboard. Then this weekend he decided that what I really needed (and I don’t remember even wishing for it) was a second monitor for our computer.

“She works really hard,” he reasoned, “and this would help her multitask.” “Now you can check email, and blog at the same time,” he told me with a smile. It’s all for me, isn’t it?

Are you kidding me? It’s all about his being able to play Star Wars Battlefront and work from home at the same time. I’m onto his evil plan. I know the whole “multitasking” thing was a semi-clever ruse to butter me up and convince me to let his toy stay on my desk and block my view of the backyard and the children’s school desks. We just can’t let the Rebel scum take over the Universe from the Empire while doing actual work, can we? Of course not.

I find the whole TAS thing very amusing, especially the part where the man who works 60+ hours a week to support our family thinks he has to justify bringing home a monitor that he got for free so that he can relax on a Sunday afternoon. But I’m not going to tell him that. I like it when he thinks he’s being clever and getting his way and avoiding a fight (that would never happen). He grins like a schoolboy who’s just snuck a pile of Oreos.

FWIW, two monitors are not that great. It’s annoying and hurts my eyes, and gives me headaches from information overload. I would never tell him that. I can’t let on that he might be superior in some way. I would lose my edge and that would benefit no one. So I only turn on one screen, use it as I always have, and turn the other to the side so that I can keep an eye on #2 and #3. The thing about Tim ALlen Syndrome is that boys catch it from their fathers, so I need to pay a little closer attention to those two.