Capacity for Responsibility

I ran across my new favorite saying this week “it is important for me not to surpass my capacity for responsibility.”  (there are a couple bad words in the linked post.  It’s still funny and worth the read, but don’t complain to me.  I didn’t write it.)  It has become the mantra of my life. 

Lately, I have been feeling overwhelmed by all of the things for which I am solely or mostly responsible.  It is a daunting list, and the weight seems to grow heavier daily.

In my imagination, I want to be the mom who runs the scout troop, coaches the cheer squad. bakes for the parish bake sale, has a spotless house, is a great friend, exercises regularly, cooks amazing food, reads everything, finishes this darn book, etc.  Just thinking about the list of things makes me tired.

All of my regular duties coupled with the stress and work of having a special needs child in the school system has led me to overload.  I’m ready to throw my hands in the air and quit.  I abdicate everything which is not directly necessary to feeding, caring for, educating, and raising my children and loving their father.

It is not my job to be the caretaker and referee for my family.  I can’t be responsible for the emotional state of anyone who doesn’t live in this house.  I can no longer care if their feelings are hurt by other people.  I am full up.

I have reached my saturation point.  I am beyond my capacity for responsibility.  I am giving myself permission to walk away…to run as quickly and as far away from these things which sap my energy and steal my time. 

It is nothing more than narcissism really.  The truth is that all of these things will happen without me.  If they do not, we will all survive with out them.  I keep humming that My Fair Lady song “Without You” to myself.  I know Eliza meant it as an insult, but it is the sound of freedom to me.

I just got a call from the PTA at school wanting me to bake 3 dozen of something for the bake sale.   I sweetly replied, “I don’t think so.  You see, I’ve exceeded my capacity for responsibility already.”  Ahhhh…the freedom