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(gasp..sputter..breathe) Please excuse the mess as I melt down and scream and maybe spit a little.  It’s not pretty around here today, but it’s real.  If you’re not into that…….I don’t really blame you.  I’m officially losing it here.  I cried on the phone a little bit hysterically today.  Okay, more than a bit.

It’s about the ice again.  You didn’t really think we were done discussing ice did you? hahhahahhahhahahahahahahahahahahha you crack me up!  You’re even funnier than I thought you were, and you know how I love you.

It’s been 3 weeks since I dropped the papers off at the doctor’s office.  I just need him to write “The kid eats non-food stuff.  Give him ice.”  It’s not hard.  I’ll even write it for him.

#3 has a history of eating hard non-digestible objects when he gets nervous and should be allowed to always have ice on hand to chew as needed.

 Then the doctor could sign it.  I could give it to the school.  The temporary ice arrangement would be made permanent and we could all go home happy.  But it doesn’t work that way in real life.

In real life I dropped the form off at the doctor’s office with a friendly little note explaining what I needed and thanked him for his help and paid the $15 paperwork fee.  Could they fax it to me?  They could?  That would be aces!

The nurse called me back.  After hours.  I missed the call.  She didn’t leave a number so when I called back IMMEDIATELY I got the answering service.  I left a message.  Can I just take a moment to say that I like the nurse, but she has a made up name I don’t know how to say and she doesn’t have a name tag that I’ve ever seen so I just call and say “I need to speak with Dr B’s nurse Anf(mumble)nette.”  Somehow they always know who I mean, but she’s never there.  I get her answering machine.  Beep. 7 times in 3 weeks.  Beep.

Today I got hold of her.  They can’t just write the order.  He hasn’t been to the doctor since May. ( I thought this was progress.  It seems to be a problem.  Silly me.)  Can I have the psychologist he’s been regularly seeing fax her paperwork through to the doctor and he’ll write the letter………for ice…………I just want to point that out again………….for ice………..

He hasn’t seen the shrink since May either when she declared that he would be fine until school started as he had made such progress. We agreed.  Apparently that was dumb, because now she doesn’t feel comfortable calling the doctor to tell him to write the letter to tell the school to give my boy ice.

The doctor has to see him first.  We have to go in on Monday to see the doctor so that he can say “yes he still chews stuff” (which the school already knows!!!!!!!!!!!) so that we can get him ice.

it’s just ice.

So I sat on the phone in the car, in front of my children, talking to the nurse and sobbed incoherently

heatelegosdoyourememberthatheatelegosandhewasinthehospitalandtheywantedtocuthimopenandtheythreatenedtocuthimopenbuttheydecidednotto  (deep breath) andalllhereallyneedaisjustacupoficebecauseit’sjustacupoficeit’sfrozenwaterandIdon’tunderstandtheproblemwithsayingheneedsice (and the spit started flying here…dang I’m hot)  please can you just write on a piece of paper that he needs ice?  please? he just needs the ice? I’m not asking for brain surgery or a new limb? it’s just a cup of ice?

“Ma’am.  I understand all of that, but Dr B just can’t take the responsibility of prescribing a treatment for a patient he hasn’t seen since May.  The legal liability of that would just be horrendous.”

what? legal what? are you freaking kidding me?  I NEED THIS DUMB PAPER IN MY HAND BY LUNCHTIME ON TUESDAY AND YOU’RE CALLING ME TODAY AFTER YOU’VE HAD THREE WEEKS?!?! AND YOU’RE WORRIED I’M GOING TO SUE YOU IF HE HAS SOME KIND OF ICE ACCIDENT?  WHAT EXACTLY DOES THAT LOOK LIKE?


We have an appointment Monday.  Two actually.  One to realize that my kid needs ice and one to decide what kind of valium cocktail to serve to his mother.

I’m pretty sure at this point that it would be easier to score drugs for my kid than to get him a legal cup of ice.