A Tiny Bit Lost

I’m feeling a little lost these days. For the last 10 months, all of my time has been eaten up with either homeschooling or writing/editing my book. By some happy coincidence, I finished both the same week. I had one week of prepping for the San Antonio Catholic Homeschool Conference, but now that I’m done with that…I have nothing going on until August.

I’m just wandering through my house at a loss for what to do now.

The first thing to hit me was the fatigue. I’d been running on adrenaline for months and once the race was over I just stopped. Boom.

It wasn’t long before the boredom set in. I’ve grown accustomed to always having a list of things to do. Right now my whole list is “clean the house” and if I’m honest…I don’t want to. I’m doing it anyway and making a huge effort not to grumble, but I’ve never been a great house keeper. I just hate doing it.

I’ve never understood before now how moms who had outside the house jobs could complain about the boredom of staying home with their children. These are their babies, stay at home moms think, how can you not want to be home with them?

I get it now. It’s not that they don’t like being with their babies or that they don’t love them as much as the stay at home girls. It’s that it’s hard for your brain to stop. It’s weird to go from having a designated purpose to your days be followed with the free schedule of simply being mom. It’s not a lack of love, it’s a feeling of being lost. It’s wandering through my house wondering what I’m supposed to be doing and having no one to tell me.

I have been playing around with my next book -outlines, research, etc – but think I’ll wait a month or so before I do anything more. I’ve lost something during this last year – the ability to just be in my life – and I need to get back to that point. I need to re-accustom myself to focusing on my family and my home with the new addition of some kind of professional life (book promotions and speaking) before I tackle anything new. I have to find balance where I am before I add to the chaos.

As for you working moms, I salute you. It’s hard to find the ability to just be in the moment, and really had no idea how bewildering that could be.