Like the times when my great grandfather used to whisper as he tied down his horse, “Mo Money, Mo Problems,” I’ve found myself arriving at another one of life’s head-scratching choices. Every day presents its own ups and downs, lows and highs, upside downs and rightside ups or whatever additional clichés might be applicable. It’s my turn in the hot seat, Regis staring at me, pointing his finger and laughing, well maybe not laughing but at least smirking, poking in that raspy tone, “Is that your final answer?” Well, sir, I’ll tell you . . . right after this break. See how I did that?
In my teenage years, I knew of a guy who spent Christmas locked inside of a skyscraper with a bunch of terrorists. Well, they were originally considered terrorists before he realized they were after money, so they were demoted to robbers. On either account, things didn’t work out too well. They all wound up exiting the building in bodybags, except for one who emerged from one causing a lot of trouble before being thrown back in. But I guess he technically still left in the bodybag. Anyway, that hero’s name was Bruce Willis and since then, trouble has seemed to find him everywhere he went, much like Dennis the Menace. Instead of staying home with the doors locked like anyone with normal sense would do, he kept on going to the airports, grocery stores and amusement parks, without a care in the world. I guess I would too if I could squash bad guys like cockroaches.
In a few weeks, he goes after terrorists on foreign ground, without the aid of his Twinkie-consuming policeman sidekick Carl Winslow or grumpy Nick Fury. A Good Day To Die Hard is his latest film and for guys like me, who love to see car chases and fist fights but have all but given up hope on a new Cannonball Run, it’s a no brainer. I’m there. In fact, I could watch Die Hard movies all day. I could watch a Die Hard channel. I’d even suggest to AMC that if they ever misplace or break The Shawshank Redemption, they could replace and put the Die Hard movies in 24-hour rotation.
A Good Day To Die Hard is being released upon the world on February 14th, which you may have heard is Valentine’s Day. Being a good husband, I’m up on all of those special days. It’s actually one of the easier relationship holidays for me to remember, unlike the anniversary of an event such as “Our First Date When DeWayne Didn’t Forget His Wallet” or “When LeAnn Got To Take a Picture of DeWayne and Olivia Newton-John.”
All this brings me to my big February 14th dilemma. New Die Hard movie. Valentine’s. Guns. Hearts. Explosions. Teddy Bears. Bullets. Chocolate. …what’s a guy to do?
Do you think I should get us nachos or popcorn?
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