A New Year’s Resolution About Friendship Breakups

True friendship is a gift we sometimes take for granted. A devoted friend is a priceless gift who continually surprises you with their faithful love and acceptance. True friends aren’t just people who laugh at your jokes; they’re the ones who cry with you when life gets messy and disappointing and you are suffering the consequences of a boatload of bad decisions. A loyal friend is the one who sticks around when life gets ugly. Someone who doesn’t flinch when you confess that you’ve blown it and are struggling with terribly dark thoughts of ending it all.

A loyal friend is someone who:

• Tells you when there’s something stuck in your teeth—but doesn’t just point it out; they dig out a toothpick and help you scrape it off.
• Shows up at your worst—like when you’re hiding behind closed doors because you did something terribly stupid, and you’re embarrassed and ashamed.
• Loves you, not despite your quirks but because of them. They see your obsession with Lord of the Rings and your habit of quoting Frodo in every conversation and think, Yeah, this is my person.

There’s a special kind of friendship when your buddy looks at you, shakes their head, and says, “You’re an idiot. What were you thinking?” And yet, they still invite you out for a cup of coffee. That, my friends, is the gold standard of relationships. It’s not about always getting it right; it’s about finding people who love you even when you spectacularly miss the mark (sin)—and they know your choice will probably cost them, too. I think this is the kind of friend Solomon wrote about, “Someone with many so-called friends may end up friendless, but a true friend sticks closer than a brother no matter what.”

A good friend is like the guy holding your ladder while you’re trying to clean the gutters of life. They steady you when you’re wobbling, holler at you when you’re about to fall, and occasionally mock you for wearing Crocs while doing it. True friendship isn’t just about being there for the good times; it’s about sticking around when you’ve spilled metaphorical gutter sludge all over them. I agree with Richard E. Simmons, who wrote, “Without great friendships, life is virtually bankrupt.”

However, here’s the sad truth: Sometimes, even the best friendships don’t last.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve also experienced the sting of losing a friend. And if you haven’t, congratulations, you’ve either mastered life (aren’t you special) or scared everyone away with your tendency to overshare and overthink everything. Like it or not, and we don’t, sometimes friends drift away or run away.

Sometimes, people grow, change, or move to Hawaii because they’ve decided surfing is their true calling. It happens. Maybe it’s a fight over something dumb (You unfollowed me on Instagram?), or maybe you let them down one too many times, and life just got in the way.

Whatever the reason, one day, you’re inseparable; the next, you’re awkwardly liking each other’s Facebook posts about your new puppy.

Losing a friend feels like losing a piece of yourself. It’s a hundred times worse than accidentally deleting your favorite playlist or breaking your favorite gift two days after Christmas.

Now, let’s address the elephant in the room…

What happens when you’re the reason a friendship goes belly-up? What happens when you’re the reason the friendship crumbled? Maybe you said something hurtful. Or, worse, you did something so stupid that they are embarrassed to be in public with you. Maybe they question your sanity or salvation because you divorced your spouse. Maybe you said something dumb (like insisting pineapple belongs on pizza).

I’ve been there and caused the loss of too many good friends. I’ve lied, cheated, said one thing, and done another. I’ve been the hypocrite. I’ve emotionally and physically abandoned people. And there have been moments when my selfishness or pride pulled the plug on a good thing.

Sadly, it hurts when someone walks away, and the temptation is to retreat into your “I don’t need anyone anymore” cave with a six-pack of beer and your bucket full of self-pity. But that’s not the answer.

Here is the good news: you can survive losing friends (without becoming a hermit).

Nine Lessons You Can Learn from Losing a Friend:

1. Acknowledge the Loss

It’s okay to grieve. (It’s even okay to cry.) Whatever it takes, let yourself feel the hurt.

2. Reflect on the Relationship

Ask yourself: What did I learn from this friendship? Rejection is often a brutal teacher, but it’s effective. Maybe they taught you how to love golf (or hate it). Maybe they introduced you to sushi or convinced you to watch The Office even if you still think it’s dumb. Every friend leaves a mark, even if it’s just a newfound love for spicy tuna rolls.

3. Don’t Take It Personally (Even If It Feels Personal)

Sometimes, people drift apart, not because you failed but because life has a way of rearranging the furniture in the living room of your relationships. It’s not always about you—except when it is, but no matter what, relationships can change with time and it’s okay.

4. Invest in New Friendships

Sure, making new friends as an adult can feel like going to the dentist (i.e., scary, painful, and expensive), but put yourself out there. Befriend that neighbor who always waves but secretly wonders if you’re a serial killer because you never wave back.

5. Acknowledge Your Role (Without Overthinking It)

Be honest with yourself. Did you mess up? If so, own it. Apologize sincerely—no excuses, no “but you did this too.” A simple “I’m sorry I let you down” can go a long way.

6. Respect Their Decision

If they’ve decided to walk away, let them. Chasing after someone who’s already slammed the door only leads to bruised knuckles—and more heartache. It’s okay to let them go.

7. Find Your People

Not every friend is meant to stick around forever. Some are there for a season, like that one guy you bonded with over Fantasy Football. True friends are rare, but they’re out there. Keep investing in the ones who stick around.

8. Laugh About It (Eventually)

One day, you’ll look back on this with a little less pain and a little more perspective. Maybe even a laugh. Like that time I accidentally set my buddy’s grill on fire. He didn’t talk to me for a month, but now it’s a hilarious story.

9. Remember the Ultimate Friend

And by this, I mean Jesus. Seriously, no friend loves you more unconditionally than He does. Nothing is hidden from Him; He’s seen you at your worst, and Jesus still calls you beloved. And let’s be honest, if anyone’s going to help you survive the ups and downs of friendships, it’s the guy who literally laid down His life for His friends. Oh, and remember, even if all your friends bail, Jesus is still hanging out with you. (I know that might seem like a very “religious” thing to say and a pathetic attempt at denying your pain, but it’s true.) You will never have a more faithful friend than Jesus.

Devoted friends are a gift, but they’re not always permanent. As one wise person once said (probably while holding a latte), “Some friends are for a season, some for a reason, and some are for life.” Cherish the ones you have, mourn the ones you’ve lost, and keep your heart open for the ones still to come.

I understand. When you lose a friend, it feels like a sucker punch to the soul. The kind that leaves you breathless and rethinking every dumb thing you’ve ever done or said. There’s nothing quite like the sting of rejection, especially when it comes from a friend.

So how do you survive it?

• You lean into the friends who are still there.
• You own your mistakes without wallowing in them.
• You keep showing up, even when the voice in your head tells you to just hide in your office and alphabetize your library.
• You forgive yourself. Because if you can’t let go of your own failings, you’ll never be able to hold on to the next friend God sends your way.

Here’s a New Year’s resolution worth making and keeping: if you’ve got a trustworthy friend, hang on to them. Treat them like the precious gift they are. Why bother? Because that’s what a good friend does. Friendship is messy. It’s full of misunderstandings, late-night apologies, and the occasional passive-aggressive meme. But at its core, it’s about grace—both giving it and receiving it.

And if you’ve lost a friend, don’t give up on yourself. Learn, grow, and keep moving forward. Loss is not the end of your story. It’s just a plot twist. And trust the Author of your life who isn’t done with you yet.

Please leave a comment below, and let’s engage in a conversation.

You can find out more about Kurt Bubna and his writing on Twitter and Facebook. You can read more about his views and insights, both in his books and on his website.