Being in “Inner Exile”

Being in “Inner Exile” January 23, 2025

Being in “Inner Exile”

What is “inner exile?” I learned the phrase from President George Brushaber of Bethel College and University (now Bethel University) who used it to describe faculty members (and possibly staff) who have “check out” of the institution but who still function in it. In other words, it is a disposition, a posture toward “home” or “community” or “the leadership.”

Immediately when I heard George (we were on a first name basis) say that, I knew what inner exile was. I came to Bethel from Oral Roberts University—to teach theology. I taught theology at both institutions. I arrived at ORU from Germany where I studied theology at the University of Munich. I arrived at ORU with the best intentions albeit with some fear and trepidation. I had heard rumors but did not want to believe them.

By my second and final year at ORU I believed them. I saw and heard things in faculty meetings and chapels that made me shudder. I loved my colleagues and my students, but found myself not only in inner exile from the institution itself because of the high administration (mainly Oral himself who seemed to think he owned the institution and was its founder and president) but also a dissenting voice (mainly in my classes).

Now, after the election and inauguration of Donald Trump as president of the United States, I find myself in inner exile in my own country. I love America but cannot be comfortable with its leadership. Having studied many countries when they were experiencing the budding of dictatorship, I feel as I know many democracy-loving people did in them.

Trump’s first day in office was what he promised—a dictatorship. Whether all of his presidential executive orders will be upheld by the Supreme Court is debatable, especially his order to abolish “birth citizenship” which is guaranteed in the US Constitution. His very order to abolish it establishes a constitutional crisis. It is dictatorial. He sore to uphold the constitution and ten turned around and ordered it ignored.

That may not work out his way. But he also pardoned hundreds of people convicted of attacking the US capitol building to stop the peaceful transfer of power on January 6, 2021. Many of them were violent protesters. Some of them violently attacked capitol police officers doing their duty to protect the nation’s most important seat of governance. That set of pardons and clemencies unofficially but effectively created a paramilitary militia (or militias) frighteningly similar to those that helped empower dictators like Mussolini, Franco, and Hitler. Above the law due to presidential pardons. Now every person who is tempted to act violently in support of Trump can take some comfort in the reasonable hope that he or she will be pardoned if every convicted.

Inner exile. Painful but necessary. When I was in inner exile at ORU I practiced my dissent within my sphere of influence—as I am doing here. My sphere of influence there was some fellow faculty members and my students. One faculty member in inner exile was publicly shamed in a faculty meeting by Oral Roberts himself. He was called to the front of the meeting and told to confess his dissent and repent. He did with tears of embarrassment and shame. I felt sorry for him because I knew he was trying to protect his job. I had already resigned and spent my last few weeks telling people why. I knew that if I stayed I would suffer the same fate, if not worse, as the poor professor in the faculty meeting.

I left ORU because I was called to teach theology at Bethel. I am not called to live anywhere but America. I left ORU with sadness because it was really a good university. A good faculty and good students. If Bethel or another good Christian college, university or seminary has not called me away I would have stayed at ORU, but I would have stayed in inner exile—like many of my colleagues.

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