I really struggled to get to be a mother. I lost my first baby a year into my marriage. My husband and I were in a college town surrounded by new families and many new babies. It was literally Hell. I had been raised in a big family, one of six children.
My mom was raised Catholic and then joined the Mormon church and she and my Dad planned to have a dozen, but the Dr made her stop at six. She always lamented that she couldn’t have more, and fostered two more kids while I was living at home. I never even knew what a miscarriage was. And remaining childless was not an option for me.
Fighting for Babies
By the time I lost my second and third babies we were living in Philadelphia. I was a Ward Missionary and we were teaching a woman in our congregation who was pregnant and had to go to a methadone clinic daily so she wouldn’t lose her baby.
She had gotten pregnant while on meth and was going to extreme efforts to save the life of that little one. And all the time she knew that she would never get to raise that baby because the state would take her away as soon as she was born. A meth addict isn’t a fit mother.
Every day I would ride the subway to work. And I would see these young women who were pregnant. Most of them had gotten pregnant accidentally. I was so jealous!
But not one of them complained about being pregnant. I realize now that abortion is much more popular than I ever knew. And I admit that I’m really proud of these girls for keeping their babies and not killing them.
Mothers Matter
In the Mormon faith (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) we believe that we are here on Earth to gain bodies and experience. That we lived before with our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother in heaven. And we shouted for joy when we learned about the Plan of Salvation, and that we would all get a chance to get a body to become more like Him.
We are here to get a body. A body that is the right of every human being. I won’t be popular in saying this. But I hate abortion. I feel like it’s murder. Having lost three babies without my consent, I cringe when I hear women chant “My Body, My Choice.”
Excuse me? NO! Your choice was to have unprotected sex. The consequence of sex is to get to be a mother, to get to have a baby. That baby is a GIFT. Your choice is well past over when you find out you are pregnant. There are always exceptions. But for me, this is the rule.
Pursuing Motherhood
My sweet husband stood by me as I suffered each of these miscarriages. His heart broke I know, but I was a hot mess. I prayed every night, begging God to let me be a mother. And seven years into our marriage God gave us a miracle.
I had been seeing a fertility specialist who did all the tests. We did IUI and several rounds of fertility drugs. I had to have ultrasounds and so many blood draws I actually still have track marks on my arm from all the needle pricks.
And her final conclusion was that our only option was to do IVF. My girlfriend at work had done seven rounds of IVF in her efforts to be a mother. She and her husband had mortgaged everything they owned. And none of them had worked. I knew that I would be just the same- very goal driven. And that I would likely bankrupt our family trying. Every prayer seemed to bounce off the ceiling, never reaching Heaven. My husband was as distraught as I was. So we went to our Bishop for a Priesthood blessing.
God’s Blessings
In the blessing, the Lord told me that He needed our service. And that as we served Him, He would bless us with a baby. I was ready to do anything He asked. Two weeks later my husband was called to serve in the leadership of a newly formed Young Single Adult congregation in Philadelphia.
This was a job that needed a young childless couple. We were so excited! We served with them for two wonderful years. And then one morning I felt different. So I took a pregnancy test. It was POSITIVE. My husband tried to be cool as he left for work, but he broke the handle off the screen door. So I knew he was as excited as I was.
Miracles
I went that day to see my doctor because I was at high risk. And she marveled repeatedly that “You did it all by yourself!” No. It was all God. Years later I had to have a hysterectomy and found out that I had 5 separate conditions that should have kept me from being a mother. But nothing is impossible for God.
One of the conditions I had, and didn’t know it, was a blood clotting disorder. And as my hormones climbed I started getting headaches and felt pretty awful. So I approached the Lord for another blessing. In that blessing, God told me how grateful He was for my sacrifice. And that while I was pregnant He would be my medicine since I couldn’t take my normal medicine while pregnant.
Babies Are Gifts
True to His word, every time I felt off I would say a prayer. And every time it was like a fresh wash of water, starting at my head, and covering my whole body. I never had a complication. And our son was born perfect and healthy. I was finally a mother!
My personal experience has taught me that there are never accidents when babies are born. If you have been blessed to be pregnant, it is all because God knew it was time. And He is involved with every baby and every mother.
For these reasons, I will never be ok with abortion, except in rare cases. I have gained knowledge that if you are pregnant, God has a way for everything to work out well. Because God takes care of His babies.
Before I got pregnant I was laid off. And two months into my pregnancy my husband was laid off too. But less than a month after his layoff he found a fantastic company. They make him feel appreciated and they take good care of our family. In fact, his new salary covered what both of us had before. And it has made it possible for me to be a stay-at-home mother, and Home School our son. Truly God has our best interest at heart. Trust Him, and ask Him for help. He will provide a way, every time.
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