The Not So Excellent Wife
Being a wife and a mom is like having two full-time jobs.
Who comes first? Your husband or your kids?
It’s easy to tip the scales in favor of your kids. After all, your husband is a grown man.
How can you balance being a wife and a mom?
Giving your all to your children is admirable but draining.
If you can remember how many times you kissed your 3-year-old’s boo-boo’s last month but can’t remember the last time you kissed your man, you may have a problem.
Thinking your children comes first makes sense.
Those little guys are so helpless and dependent on you. Your husband is a big boy. He should be able to fend for himself.
With defenseless children on one hand and a hunk of a man on the other, who should come first?
It might not be who you’d think.
The Scriptures clearly provide principles for prioritizing family relationships.
Obviously, God comes first.
Next, the Bible tells a man to love his wife like Christ loved the church. And Jesus’ first priority after God was the church.
So, if the example for the man is God first then wife, the priority would be the same for the wife.
Since husband and wife are second to God in their priorities and they are one flesh (Ephesians. 5:25), it stands to reason the result of the relationship–children–should be the next priority. After the husband.
The scriptural order of priorities is God, spouse, children.
While children’s needs may take more of your time during certain seasons of marriage, making sure your husband knows he’s a priority is crucial.
How do you balance being a mom and still let your husband know he is loved and appreciated?
- Recognize your kids are important, but your marriage comes first.
- Teach your kids to respect your time with your husband.
- Find small ways to connect with your husband and communicate to him and your children he is priority.
- Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.
- Teach your children to knock on your bedroom door before entering.
- Brag about your husband to your children.
- Make date night a habit, even if it’s just putting the kids to bed early, locking your door and spending time together. Show your kids your marriage is important.
I don’t think anyone would argue that your husband can take care of himself, but this view can be costly to your marriage.
Your relationship with your husband is lifelong. If you constantly place your kids ahead of him, he may look elsewhere to get his needs met.
The relationship with your husband is for life. Your relationship with your children, while it is meant to last forever, is one of love and release. Your job as mom is to prepare your children for life. Then let them go so they can build a life of their own.
Prioritizing your husband does not mean ignoring the needs of your children.
While your children may have your focus during certain seasons of marriage, letting your husband know he’s important and always your number one is key to a healthy marriage.
Need skills to build intimacy?
- Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
- Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
- Check out my FREE resources and download “How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave” Challenge!
- Apply for private coaching with Sheila.
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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.
She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.
After 33 years of marriage, she’s a coach and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.
She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.
In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.
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