Bad habits in marriage can ruin a perfectly good relationship or make a bad one worse.
Don’t think you have bad habits? I didn’t either.
I’ve valued others’ opinions over my husband’s, weaponized sex and put him off in favor of the Thursday night line-up on NBC.
I’m not proud of it, but my bad habits were creating distance between my husband and me and tanking my marriage.
Building a strong relationship takes time and intention. I thought since we loved each other, we could put the marriage on cruise control. We were cruising towards divorce.
Maybe you can relate. Have you established bad habits in your marriage?
If you’re not careful, you can create bad habits (without realizing it) that can make a bad marriage worse or ruin a good one.
Here are seven bad habits that can ruin a perfectly good marriage:
1. Pretend like you don’t have problems
Conflict isn’t fun, but it happens. Couples who don’t argue aren’t the successful ones. Couples who figure out how to work their way through issues are. Pretending like you don’t have problems can only last so long. Learn healthy conflict resolution skills so you can address issues that arise in your marriage.
2. Treat your phone, computer or TV like it’s your boyfriend
What spends more time next to your lips, your husband or your phone? Does he have to compete with TV or a computer for your attention? Put your phone and computer away and turn off the TV when you’re with him. Not only are they time suckers but they can also make him feel like he’s competing with “someone” else.
3. Put others before him
When you put others before your husband, he’ll get the message. He’s not important to you. When you value other’s opinions and ideas above his, he won’t like it. Show him you value him and his opinions, even if you don’t agree with them. Make sure he knows he comes before others and is a priority in your life.
4. The silent treatment
The silent treatment never works, and it’ll take your relationship down. It’s a defensive posture that puts up a wall–nothing in; nothing out. When you give the silent treatment, you’re sending a signal you don’t want to work on the relationship.
5. Weaponize sex
This is a bad habit that many women use as a go to. They treat sex like it belongs to them and they’ll use it as punishment. Intimacy–physical and emotional–holds marriages together. If you weaponize sex by withholding it as punishment, you’ll create emotional distance in your marriage.
6. Threaten to leave
When you threaten to leave, he may get the impression that you don’t take your commitment to the marriage seriously. He’ll become distant. And you’ll get frustrated. Here’s the worst part. When you make a threat like that, you might feel like you have to follow through. Threaten it enough and he may beat you to it.
7. Act like you’re smarter than he is
You make it clear you know better than he does and take every opportunity to prove it. You’re openly critical of his decisions and of him. He rarely has a good idea or does things in a logical manner, according to you. This habit will make him feel disrespected, which will create new problems.
A good marriage takes time and intention. If you have any of these habits in your marriage, start reversing them today.
Need skills to build intimacy?
- Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
- Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
- Check out my FREE resources and download “How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave” Challenge!
- Apply for private coaching with Sheila.
Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.
She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.
In addition to more than 33 years of marriage, Sheila has a Masters Degree in Communication and countless hours of mentoring and coaching women.
She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.
In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.