What does your husband need from you?
Shaunti Feldhahn, a bestselling author and social researcher, wrote a book detailing things men wish women knew. It’s called For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men. In it, she discusses the surprising truths she discovered after interviewing more than 1,000 men. Here are a few things she found out about men:
- Men would rather feel unloved than feel inadequate and disrespected.
- A man’s anger is often a response to feeling disrespected by his wife.
- Men are insecure.
- Men want more sex.
This doesn’t mean your husband is an insecure sex freak. It means he has needs whether he expresses them or not.
Here are three things your husband needs to hear, regardless of whether he tells you or not:
1. I trust you.
A man needs to hear that his wife trusts him. Secretly he wonders if he measures up. He may be afraid he doesn’t cut it at work or at home. He’ll never tell you this. If he’s not going to tell you, how can you address it? Let him know you trust him. Your vote of confidence is affirming to him. If he doesn’t receive affirmation from you he may seek it somewhere else. Your trust will make him more secure and confident in all areas of his life.
2. I appreciate you.
A man would rather hear the words “thank you,” than the words, “I love you,” according to Feldhahn. Appreciation translates to respect for men. Let him know you appreciate what he does for you and your family. More importantly, let him know you appreciate him for who he is, regardless of what he does.
3. I want you.
When you tell your husband you want him, you’re letting him know you desire him–for who he is, no matter what he looks like or what he’s accomplished. It’s no surprise men want sex more than women. But it’s not for purely physical reasons. According to Feldhahn’s research, men want more sex because they have a strong need to be desired by their wives. They want to be wanted. When you initiate sex, he feels encouraged. Sex is critical to a man’s sense of feeling loved and desired.
Validating and affirming your husband–physically and emotionally– let him know you love him and have a direct impact on his confidence and well being.
Need skills to build intimacy?
- Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
- Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
- Check out my FREE resources and download “How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave” Challenge!
- Apply for private coaching with Sheila.
Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.
She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.
In addition to more than 33 years of marriage, Sheila has a Masters Degree in Communication and countless hours of mentoring and coaching women.
She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.
In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.