So I wound up thinking a bit more about that hypothetical debate between Dr. Kroeger and my grandmother (who believed women were forbidden to preach) in the Heaven we sometimes imagine (which surely isn’t right, but maybe isn’t wholly wrong) and I realized that the idea didn’t make much sense. If that’s anything like what Heaven is like, then the last thing anyone there would ever need to worry about would be arguing over the meaning of disputed interpretations of the Bible.
And so now I’m imagining what such at attempt at arguing exegesis in Heaven might look like. But now I’m imagining a conversation between Calista Vinton — a fearsome 19th-century Baptist missionary and preacher who became a hero of mine when I worked in a Baptist historical library — and one of the many Male Preachers who tried, and failed utterly, to stop her.
Scene: Heaven (off to one side)
MP: But the Bible is very clear …
CV: The way you read it, it’s anything but clear.
DB: I’ve always said that when there are such strong opinions on both sides, its reasonable to come down somewhere in the middle, so —
CV: Relax, Mr. Broder, you don’t need to worry about your next column anymore. Why don’t you explore a bit and make yourself at home.
MP: Look, Mrs. Vinton, in 1 Corinthians, the Apostle Paul —
AP: Yes?
MP: Ah, excellent. You can settle this once and for all. We were just discussing your letter to the Corinthians.
AP: Which one?
MP: The first one.
AP: My first one, or your first one? I wrote them quite a few times, you know, and you folks just kind of mixed them all into two letters.
MP: I mean the bit where you told the women to keep silent.
AP: You have to understand that there was a lot of stuff going down in Corinth. A lot of stuff, you know? I’m not sure I should be the one to tell you about all of that, so why don’t you just ask the Corinthians themselves? They’re right over there.
CV: May I just tell you that I love Galatians.
AP: Oh, thank you. You’re too kind. I loved your work in Burma. You know, some of us first-century missionaries are getting together after the Mozart & Mahalia concert — you should join us. Bring Judson, I’d love to exchange shipwreck stories.
CV: Oh, that’d be lovely.
MP: Look, before you go, could you at least settle our questions about 1 Timothy?
AP: Sorry, that one’s not mine. But I just saw the author a little while ago, she was talking to Origen over by the …
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