The story is just stupid, OK?
First off, gorillas can’t talk. Duh. So, like, what? You actually believe in talking gorillas? That makes you a moron. You and everybody else who tells this story. And everybody who listens to it. You’re all morons.
Plus, do you realize how terrifying this would be? How dangerous? A gorilla could kill a room full of people by accident. Here you’ve got a huge, frightened, confused animal thrust into a strange situation it couldn’t possibly comprehend. It’s gonna be aggressive. It’s gonna be violent. It’s gonna go ape.
So do you really think the smart thing to do would be to approach the gorilla? To try to talk to it? That’s a great way to get yourself killed.
And that’s why this story isn’t just stupid, it’s also irresponsible. If anybody is stupid enough to take your stupid story seriously, they’ll get themselves killed.
And, frankly, I’d almost say they deserved it, if they’re also stupid enough to listen to stupid stories about talking gorillas. Almost, but not really, since unlike you people I don’t have an outlook shaped by cruel fantasies and ridiculous stories and I don’t really want to see anyone ripped limb-from-limb by a frantic silverback.
I mean, just, really. What are you people thinking? Hey, look, there’s a gorilla in the building — let’s go talk to it! I know — let’s give it some alcohol! What could possibly go wrong?
You people are just stupid and your stupid stories are stupid. And then you have the nerve, the arrogance, to tell me that I’m the one who doesn’t “get it”?
Yeah, well, gorillas still can’t talk. Until you “get” that, you and your stupid stories are just wasting my time.
(Walks away, muttering.)
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