“They were right about the only question that counted – Should the US launch a war on Iraq? — and my side was wrong. I was wrong.”
“The world isn’t angry with Christians for believing in God. They are angry because so many Christians act like the Devil all day long.”
“I get it. I know how to be small and narrow and grudging. But I’d hoped we’d know better by now.”
“I’d give up the things I love to see all those young adults crowd into that school cafeteria every Sunday to meet God. Hundreds of young adults coming through the doors every week to be God’s people together.”
“I am driven by two main philosophies, know more today about the world than I knew yesterday. And lessen the suffering of others. You’d be surprised how far that gets you.”
“Important you take immediate action in Alabama. One more day of savage treatment by legalized hatchet men could lead to open warfare.”
“I mean, we’ve killed a lot of people so far. Do you know any of them? I didn’t think so. So why is everybody worrying about it now?”
“Madonna? Not on the list. Meat Loaf? Not on the list. Robin Thicke? Not on the list. Cat Stevens … is a tremendous singer.”
“The answer to that question is no.”
“Common-sense immigration reform has the multibillion-dollar private prison industry shaking in its boots.”
“The lesson to be learned is that we had a criminal justice system in Texas created to fill prisons, and now we don’t, because we figured out it was too expensive to lock everyone up.”
“In other words, the rate of change is much greater than anything we’ve seen.”
“It’s richly ironic that the American political tradition that is so closely associated with puritanical lecturing about moral laxity, personal irresponsibility, and carpe diem short-sightedness is also the one that greets evidence of potentially catastrophic climate change with self-gratifying denial and hedonistic cries of ‘Drill, Baby, Drill.'”
“Has the House Appropriations Committee also included provisions to prevent funding of Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster?”
“We can always adapt the vestments and the skullcap doesn’t change but it’s tricky with the loafers.”
“Now we have to add Israel to the ever-growing list of countries that are home to bigoted shitbag soccer fans.”
“No. 19: Coincidences to get characters into trouble are great; coincidences to get them out of it are cheating.”
“Religious people speak of God when human knowledge (perhaps simply because they are too lazy to think) has come to an end, or when human resources fail – in fact it is always the deus ex machina that they bring on to the scene, either for the apparent solution of insoluble problems, or as strength in human failure.”
“We have found that caffeine helps the bee remember where the flowers are.”
“The thing was that, unlike the others, he never ever let on that he was being funny.”
“Church Sign Epic Fails: ‘Surgically Altered'”
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