‘Just a longing gone without a trace’

‘Just a longing gone without a trace’ August 5, 2013

“A San Francisco man was acquitted Thursday of breaking into his ex-fiancé’s house and assaulting her new lover before getting sprayed with bear mace by a shirtless neighbor.”

“A potent mixture of fart spray and deer repellent intended to be a prank turned serious Wednesday when more than a dozen campers from the Christian run Camp Wo-Me-To in Jarrettsville, Md., had to be decontaminated while six were hospitalized due to physical reactions.”

“A detailed set of clinical case-notes compiled in an asylum by an expert who has conducted years of interviews and research, and yet somehow never figured out that he, himself, is also a patient there.”

It’s a great country for guys like me.”

“Michael Collins is the only human being, living or dead, not in the frame of this picture.”

“If the Church is a continuation of the Incarnation, and if the Church and Christ are where the oppressed are, then Christ and his Church must identify totally with the oppressed to the extent that they too suffer for the same reasons persons are enslaved.”

“Creationism, which began life as a religious belief, has become a political agenda all about domination. It is not so much naivete as it is need to rule.”

“The pressing issue before evangelicalism is not to formulate longer, more complex, more subtle, and more sophisticated defenses of what we feel God should have done, but to teach future generations, in the academy, the church, and the world, better ways of meeting God in the Scripture we have.”

“It never fails to utterly astonish me that, even with all of my familiarity, even with all the Sword Drills and the Memorization Contests and AWANA and the constant stream of ‘the Bible says…’ that I really had no idea what it actually says.”

Inerrantists disagree greatly about what the Bible inerrantly teaches.”

This is not a joke, my son. This is Talmud.”

“These are the kind of words that could inspire you to a great principle — or a psychotic one.”

“A book published during the presidency of Chester A. Arthur has a greater chance of being in print today than one published during the time of Reagan.”

“There is or was (I’m not sure of the proper tense) a bar in the valley called Residuals — a place where actors and writers could congregate and drink their checks. If you brought in one for under a buck, they’d give you a beverage in exchange and then put the check up on the wall.”

Church Sign Epic Fails: ‘Get Behind Me Satin'”


"Bad enough to win a Golden Raspberry."

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  • Dragoness Eclectic

    Lee B, are you a hive mind, or were you at some time I apparently missed appointed the official spokesperson for the commentariat?

    tl;dr: don’t presume to speak for anyone’s dislikes but your own.

  • Ha, I got such a kick out of that when I saw them on the local news. :D

  • FearlessSon

    What is the old adage? “American Air Force bombs are extremely accurate. They are absolutely guaranteed to hit the ground.”

  • FearlessSon

    I have actually been to one of their meetings. It really is more of a neighborhood patrol than anything else, just with, you know, goofy costumes.

    What bothers me about would-be vigilantes is that for most effective crime prevention, you do not really need a gun and no one has to die. Just walk the street, show some presence and alertness. Why bring a gun when a couple of people with just flashlights are a far more effective deterrent?

  • I’ve always wanted to take some sidewalk chalk and scrawl “Hail Satin” outside of a JoAnn Fabrics store. Probably never will, though. I’m not sure everyone would understand that it’s meant as a joke, not an accidental misspelling.

  • The interesting thing actually is that the American strategic bombers were actually (for their day) pretty darn accurate thanks to the Norden bombsight. I mean we’re not talking laser guided bomb accuracy or anything – but it was good enough to hit a specific building from 15,000 feet or more.

    That said, there was the need to fly in box formation for mutual defense from enemy fighters which forced aircraft to stay where they were in relation to the lead plane in the formation. Only the lead aircraft in each formation was actually using that Norden bombsight, so a lot of the bombs weren’t really even aimed at the target to begin with, more the general vicinity of the target.

  • Magpie

    or the Great Barrier Reef, as the case may be

  • Mrs Grimble

    You don’t even need weapons to defend yourself in your own home. Is there any home that doesn’t boast a nice assortment of heavy/sharp ornaments/objects in every room? Plus there’s things like kitchen knives and tools. You know where everything is, the burglar doesn’t. Plus, you know the layout and can get around it in the dark (well, I can, because we have so many power cuts here).

    Pffft, who needs a gun when the lights are out and you have a hefty hand-sized statue of the Buddha within reach?

  • christopher_y

    Very true. There are quite effective neighbourhood watch organisations in Britain, and they are armed with mobile phones. If they see any problems they call the police.

    ETA: The police of course are armed with night sticks, and only issued with guns under exceptional conditions.

  • arcseconds

    What worries me particularly about this sort of thing is the same people seem to think that the solution to shooting sprees is for everyone to be armed and return fire…

    I have difficulty believing that the situation would become safer under such circumstances, especially given this sort of accuracy under ideal conditions.

  • phantomreader42

    You do know you’re supposed to kill the Buddha, not kill people with the Buddha, right? ;)

  • dpolicar

    I read this comment out of context initially, and mis-parsed it as “people accompanying the Buddha.”

    Now I can’t decide whether “when you meet the Buddha on the road, kill someone nearby” is an egalitarian improvement on the original saying or not.

  • Carstonio

    Do you mean the serene Buddha that one sees in representations in India, or the jolly fat Buddha that one sees in Chinese restaurants in the US? My suspicious side wonders if the latter is Amos ‘n’ Andy applied to Buddhism, a mocking stereotype created by non-Buddhists.

  • ReverendRef

    That might play better in front of a Hobby Lobby.

    And yes, I am so going to hell; why do you ask? :/

  • Alix

    Not a stereotype. A different Buddha.

  • Carstonio

    That makes sense that Westerners confused Budai with Buddha. I wasn’t saying that Budai was a stereotype or a caricature, but merely that the figure resembles, to me, how an outsider to the culture might mock that culture or its religious figure.

  • Alix

    That’s one of the interesting things about cultural context, to me – something that looks mocking or silly to us might not be so silly in context. It’s one of the reasons I rarely trust modern people’s interpretations of prehistoric art, if they’re only rooting it in what that art “obviously” looks like.

    It also interests me that things depicting cheerfulness, joy, exuberance, humor, and other such emotions tend to be the things most often interpreted, outside their context, as silly or mocking. I’ve never come across a good explanation for why that is – I guess seriousness and solemnity cross cultures better?

  • Carstonio

    Good points. I was expressing my own reaction to the statue, as someone who has lived all his life in a culture that practices weight shaming (and other types of body shaming).

  • Alix

    I get that. The jolly fat person’s also something of a stereotype in Western culture, though I see that less and less. (That might just be me, though. It’s pretty limited to Santa Claus-esque figures recently, ime.)

  • phantomreader42

    I am very tempted to do this now, there’s a Hobby Lobby in my town, and I can probably find sidewalk chalk at the dollar store. I could do the job on Sunday when they’re closed, so Monday the sidewalk would say “HAIL SATIN!”

  • To be fair, other people have “spoken for the collective” as a whole when explaining to trolls why they are disliked.

  • Different Buddhas. The thin one is the previous Buddha, the fat one is the next one.

    . o O ( Buddai… So he was the Maitreya all along!)

  • Dash1

    The thing about speaking for the collective, though, is that it only works if you are in fact speaking for the collective. The fact that someone once did it without objection doesn’t mean that all future attempts are thereby right and proper and can’t be objected to.

  • LoneWolf343

    That was uncalled for.

  • Hawker40

    Well, if the building was large enough, and the lead plane’s bombadier was well trained enough, and the Norden bombsight had the correct altitude, airspeed, speed over ground, wind direction, wind speed, and there were no rude people shooting at them (they have no sense of humor)…
    Under optimum conditions, the Norden gave a C.E.P. (50% of bombs land inside this circle, I was wrong before) of 75 meters. In the conditions that actually applied, the C.E.P. was claimed at under 400 meters, but was actually more like 1500 meters on a good day.
    Meaning on a good day, a typical American heavy bomber squadron of six B-17s were going to put twenty four 500lbs bombs withn a mile of what they were aiming at. The other 24 bombs are going to “miss”.

  • Hawker40

    If you can’t hit a target on the gun range, wth perfect lighting and plenty of time and no surprises, you aren’t going to do it in your own home, at night, when you’ve just woken up, etc. The good news is you’re also unlikely to hit your teenager, cat, spouse, etc in the house. The bad news is the bullet will hit something… or someone.

  • Turcano

    But isn’t the whole point of that that the Buddha is inherent in yourself and everyone else? So wouldn’t you still be killing the Buddha, just with a Buddha?

  • Turcano

    As some of you might know, I did my graduate linguistics program at Biola. Because I was a graduate student, I wasn’t put on the same leash that undergrads have to deal with (I was never required to live on-campus at any point or to attend chapel), but I was required to take six credits of theology courses. I chose Old and New Testament survey, both because they were probably the easiest choices and because it would involve reading the entire Bible in a five-month period, and I resolved to do this reading while discarding all of my preconceptions about what the Bible says. As they say, the scales came off. It’s also the time when I felt comfortable examining evolution objectively, and also when I discovered this blog.

    So yeah, I became a liberal Christian in the birthplace of fundamentalism (The Fundamentals was published by Biola). I’m sure the irony isn’t lost on anyone.

  • Turcano

    I believe it is known as Bruthanism.

  • Dr. Rocketscience

    Michael Collins is a big goddamn hero. That is all.

  • Consumer Unit 5012

    Whenever I get sucked into a ‘gun-owners are a crime deterrent’ argument, I like to turn it around and argue in favor of personal ownership of nuclear weaponry for the exact reasons they used.

  • Consumer Unit 5012

    That reminds me of a story I heard – someone who practiced martial arts heard someone rummaging in their living room, so they grabbed their nunchaku.

    It turns out that the noise it made when they pulled the ends to straighten the chain sounded EXACTLY like a shotgun being cocked. The burglar scrambled out a window before the storyteller even opened the door.

  • BaseDeltaZero

    “total inability to hit a man sized paper target at 3 meters at a Navy gun range.”

    HOW? My first time shooting a pistol, I could hit a 3″ target at 3 meters (possibly 5?). I find myself wondering how this is even possible.

    “If you can’t hit the target then “more damage” becomes a liability.”

    Not to mention, given how guns achieve ‘more damage’, the gun will both be harder to aim and carry less ammo…

  • Hawker40

    Presumably his inability to hit a target had to do with the fact he “Already knew how to fire a gun” and didn’t listen when told how to fire the M1911 .45 cal semi-automatic, assuming it was identical in handling as his .44 ‘Magnum’ revolver.
    Or he was aiming at the wrong paper target. I’ve seen that happen more than once (“Johnson got a zero, while Smith shot with 175% accuracy!”)