The money-making opportunities of ‘Bible prophecy’

The money-making opportunities of ‘Bible prophecy’ October 2, 2013

Are you ethically opposed to exploiting the gullible, the vulnerable and the fearful? Do you have moral qualms about profiting from duplicity and dishonesty? Are you committed to the integrity of the scriptures, or to scholarship, education or truth more generally?

If you answered “Yes” to any of those questions, then this offer isn’t for you. But if you answered “No” to all of them, then I’d like to tell you about a potentially lucrative financial opportunity that could earn you financial independence while paying dividends for the next quarter century!

I want to talk about the growing field of “Bible prophecy scholarship.” The market in this burgeoning industry is highly competitive, but we’ve identified several unexplored niches just waiting for the right person — maybe you! — to stake their claim and make their fortune. This is money on the table, friends, and it’s there for the taking.

Maybe you’re thinking, “That sounds great, Fred, but I don’t believe in all that nonsense.” Here’s the beautiful part: You don’t have to. That skepticism will give you an edge over the competition. Most of the entrepreneurs working in the field of “Bible prophecy” are probably true believers, and while they’re getting high on their own supply, you’ll have the advantage of keeping a clear head.

We don’t want to share these money-making secrets with just anyone, but if you’re willing to make the commitment — investing in the full, 12-DVD set of classes with four easy payments of just $39.99 — you’ll learn hundreds of ways you can make a comfortable living for years to come by preaching the imminent end of the world.

Today I’d like to give you just a taste of the eye-opening, money-making ideas you’ll learn from this course, and it starts with a simple question: Did you ever wonder why young-Earth creationists say the universe is 6,000 years old? That’s a nice round number, but where does it come from?

It comes from the Bible, friends, from adding up all the begats in the genealogies of the Bible. Tally up all those genealogies from Adam to Jesus Christ and you’ll wind up with about 4,000 years.

How does that work? You may be wondering. The genealogies from Adam to Noah list ages and numbers that can be added together, but after that it’s just a long list of names with no numbers. That doesn’t matter. Other people have “added” up those genealogies — it doesn’t matter how — and they’ve supplied us with that number and that’s all we need to get started. Whoever and however we got there, we can take that 4,000 years as our starting point, add the 2,000 or so years since the birth of Jesus and — voila! — 6,000 years.

Now, there’s an ancient — and even sort of elegant — idea that imagines the entire history of the universe based on the creation story from the first chapter of Genesis. In that story, you’ll recall, God creates the universe in six days, then rests on the seventh day. Next, flip to the other end of your Bible, to the book of Revelation. Somewhere there in Revelation it talks about a Millennium — a time of perfect peace during which Jesus Christ will reign for a thousand years. Quick, now, flip back to 2 Peter, where it says this: “One day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.”

Do you see where this is going or do I need to spell it out for you? If one day is as a thousand years, then the Millennium is the “Sabbath day” of history, and the entire history of the universe is just one “week” of 7,000 years. And since we already know that the universe is 6,000 years old now, that means the Millennium should be coming any day!

The appealing simplicity of this scheme is bound to be popular, although you’re also bound to encounter some troublemakers who will quibble over the way this requires both a clumsily literalistic reading and an allegorical reading of Genesis 1. We teach you how to gloss over this in DVD No. 2: “Symbolic Literalism and Literal Symbolism.”

Now perhaps you’re thinking it’s too late to exploit the full potential of this idea. This scheme focuses on the millennial anxiety of the turn of the century, but now it’s 2013 and we’re past all of that. This is where the lessons from DVD No. 4 are so important. In that course — “No Man Knoweth: Date-Setting and Flexibility” — we’ll teach you the skills and techniques that you can use to provide decades of wiggle room for even the most precise and specific of predictions.

Just consider this: Does our 2,000-year countdown to the Millennium clock start with the birth of Jesus? Or does it start with Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection?

You just found 33 years of wiggle room. But wait, there’s more. You’ve got another 12 years to play with, as best-guesses as to the date of Jesus’ birth vary from 6 BCE to about 6 CE. Then remember the calendar doesn’t include a Year 0, giving you a one-year free pass to be claimed at any time.

So how about 2028? That falls within our window of flexibility, and it’s also 70 years after the founding of the modern nation of Israel, which seems portentous — 70 allows you to mix in the numerology from the book of Daniel, plus it’s “threescore and ten,” from the Psalms.

2028: Biblical Secrets Reveal the End of History could be the next runaway best-seller. The only question is, who’s going to profit from it? With our help, it could be you. Our course will give you all the tools you’ll need to type, publish and market this book. You could be seeing profits from book sales before you’ve even finished making your four easy payments of $39.99!

But we’ll teach you more than just how to write the book. We’ll teach you how to turn one book of “Bible prophecy” into a career. Picking the date of 2028 gives you 15 years — 15 years of book sales, speaking engagements, newsletter subscriptions, direct-mail fundraising appeals, kickbacks from gold coin investment schemes and “prepper” supplies, and various latter-days investment and insurance plans. (We cover all of this in DVD No. 12: “Monetizing the Message.”)

And due to the Year-0 factor and the uncertainty as to the precise year of Jesus’ death, your prophecy can maintain a sheen of legitimacy until well past 2028, with a plausible defensibility enduring until at least 2036.

By now I hope you’re convinced that “Bible prophecy” might just be your ticket to financial security for you and for your children, your grandchildren, and generations of your family to come.

The world isn’t ending any time soon, but supplies are limited and this offer won’t last, so order now!

 

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