Last week brought us two separate stories involving extraterrestrial aliens and the Canadian military. Coincidence? It would be irresponsible not to speculate.
First up came Jim Garrow, who seems frustrated that no one has been heeding his warnings about President Barack Obama’s many secret plans to impose martial law or to launch nuclear weapons at America on behalf of international Jewish financiers. Garrow hasn’t ever produced any evidence to prove that Obama is a secretive evil genius mastermind, but in Garrow’s view that lack of evidence just confirms how incredibly secretive the evil genius mastermind Obama really is.
Garrow recently explained his latest Obama-theory to right-wing radio host Erik Rush:
“What we’re going to see soon is an unveiling of the concept that we have in fact been contacted by and have been in communication with people from other civilizations beyond earth and that will be part of the great deception that is forthcoming soon from Mr. Obama,” Garrow told Rush.
… Garrow added that Obama will claim he is in contact with aliens as part of “the greatest deception that mankind has ever faced” all in order to increase his popularity and help his low poll numbers. But according to Garrow, the man who revealed the details of the plan, which he says was devised in the 1960s, was murdered by Obama in Hong Kong. …
… As for the Americans who rise up against Obama and aren’t deceived by his alien plot … Garrow said that Obama will send in troops from Canada to bring down the insurgency: “Obama can ask [Canadian Prime Minister] Harper to send troops into America to help quell the rioting and vice versa.”
I’m not sure I follow all of that. I’m not sure even Garrow himself follows all of that. He doesn’t need to, really, because it’s just the latest variation of his usual right-wing AM radio formula of “Blah blah blah Obama dictator because blah blah blah.”
And yet, just a few days later, another story comes along involving space aliens and the Canadian military.
Former Canadian defense minister — er, sorry, former Canadian defence minister Paul Hellyer appeared on Russia Today television to insist that extraterrestrial visitors walk among us. The host did her best to portray Hellyer as a bold whistleblower — describing him as “the first cabinet-level politician from a G-8 country to publicly state that there is extraterrestrial life present on Earth.” But her best efforts to frame the interview as an “at last, the truth can be revealed” moment couldn’t overcome the overwhelming impression of a credulous nonagenarian who’d picked up a few of the wrong books.
That, alas, is Hellyer’s testimony. He’s not saying that as defence minister he witnessed prime ministers and presidents hanging out with alien visitors. He’s saying, rather, that decades after he retired from office he read some books that claimed some things and he believes them.
Hellyer’s fantasy is much gentler and sweeter than Garrow’s. In Garrow’s fever-dream, an evil president is inventing fake space aliens as pretext for an invasion by evil Canadians. In Hellyer’s more pleasant unreality, the space aliens are as real and as friendly as Canada itself:
Hellyer said up to 80 different species regularly visit earth, from the “short grays” seen in cartoons and illustrations to species called “Nordic blondes” and “tall whites” who could almost pass as humans.
… He said all but perhaps one or two of the species were benevolent and wanted to help humans, but they’re bound by a code of conduct from doing so.
So these aliens, according to Hellyer, are cosmopolitan and benevolent and politely refuse to impose their will on others. Uh-huh. I suppose these alien visitors also love ice hockey, drink Tim Hortons coffee, and raise the vowels when they say “out” and “about” — Hellyer basically seems to be describing these aliens as Canadians.
So how can we sort out these two conflicting visions of space aliens and Canadians? Who to believe? Garrow or Hellyer?
I say teach the controversy.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In