“What is it that I choose not to see?”
“If you can’t say it about Jesus, don’t say it about God.”
“You will eventually come to a crumbling parking lot, with the still-unfinished Heritage Grand Towers ahead of you and the remains of Heritage USA on your left, bordered by a chain-link fence and overgrown with weeds.”
“At the completion of Swan Upping each year, The Queen’s Swan Marker produces a report which provides data on the number of swans accounted for, including broods and cygnets.”
“I’m not like those other heads of cauliflower – I’m special, I’m different. See, I know you’re right about us being gross.”
“I’m mad at Ricky Gervais for taking Ricky Gervais away from me.”
“Schrödinger’s asshole: A person who says something offensive, then waits to see the reaction it gets before deciding whether to claim it was a joke.”
“According to publishers, who predict that the Bible will remain in print for many years to come, the popularity of the famously secretive deity remains so high that just about anything new He released would be an instant commercial success.”
“There are plenty of ancient figures who never wrote anything themselves — Aristotle, for instance. Though let’s not start giving Paulkovich any more ideas.”
“Think of science as the user agreement you have to say yes to before getting to use technology.”
“The most I can say to friends is that I work in a federal building.”
“I wield the meat spoon.”
“Please be seated.”
“Col. Jessup, did you order the Code Red?“
“Guacamole Karloff”
“If you don’t know who’s in charge of the state, it’s hard to reward or punish them for the way things are going.”
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