Spiritual directors are taught to notice, reflect back and ask clients about feelings they are experiencing as they share their stories. As a result, many directors become frustrated when clients, as they put it, “stay in their heads.”
Personally I think it is fine for directees to stay wherever they feel safe and comfortable. But I know what the frustrated directors are trying to say.
Thought Loops
“I can’t stop thinking about it.”
We’ve all been there, right?
What does it mean to use the unscientific term of being “stuck in your head?” Don’t thoughts and feelings both originate in the brain?
I’m not a brain scientist, so I won’t tackle the question of where feelings live in the body. But the way I see it, “being stuck in your head” refers to over-analyzing a situation. And some of us (probably all of us) at times over-analyze at the expense of taking time to carefully consider our emotions.
Colorful Emotions
Emotions—those tender feelings that make our life colorful—are places that especially seem to move us on the spiritual path. Which is why spiritual directors prefer noticing emotions over talking endlessly about analysis of a situation.
What spiritual directors are trying to do when confronted with a person who is overly analytical is invite them to use other parts of their being:
- Felt senses in the body (as in muscle tension or guts roiling)
- The affective nature (feelings) i.e. “what happens inside when you think about this?”
- Shift from analysis to hopes and dreams
Moving from Thoughts to Feelings
There are lots of ways to do this. The most popular suggestions for moving from analysis to affect are:
- Take a moment and focus on what you feel in your body
- Take time to move into the present moment, noticing more than your thoughts
- Take a short break for silence and rest your mind.
- Go on a walk as a way to “reset” yourself.
- Journal, noticing feelings as well as thoughts
Anyone can do this—you don’t have to go to a spiritual director to stop trying to think yourself out of a problem or situation! However since our spirits tend to do best when we are fully embodied and aware of our emotions, the feelings arena will always be of greater interest in spiritual direction than the thoughts arena.
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Interested in becoming a spiritual director? If you have been in spiritual direction for over a year and have a background in retreats, workshops or classes on spirituality you may want to check out my Apprentice Training Program for Spiritual Directors. It’s completely online with 20 live presentation modules with your trainer. You learn from someone highly skilled in the art of spiritual direction–and gain a longtime mentor in the process. Email me at [email protected] for more information or head over to www.phoenixspiritualdirection.com.
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