How do we have a relationship with God that is truly consensual? I’ve been thinking a lot about this in light of all the cases of religious teachers and leaders who preyed on parishioners, abusing them sexually without a single thought to the power dynamic at play. These abusive religious leaders may think the relationship is consensual, but how much consent does a person really have if the one pursuing them is a trusted, powerful force in their life? How... Read more
Learning doesn’t just happen in classrooms. Apprenticing — the ancient practice of learning a trade or philosophy from one-on-one interaction with someone experienced in the subject — is on the rise. In November of 2019, I gave up classroom instruction in the art of spiritual direction and began taking on apprentices. Earlier that year, Shaleen Kendrick, a young woman whose life situation didn’t allow her to attend any of the traditional training programs asked if I would take her on... Read more
People who are spiritual but not religious seek spiritual directors who can be attentive to them without attempting to put them in an institutional box. While spiritual directors of all backgrounds are supposed to have this sort of openness, there is one religious tradition that has a history of not forcing seekers into a box: Unitarian Universalism (UU). That’s why when referring people who call themselves spiritual but not religious to spiritual directors, I many times steer them toward directors... Read more
One of the most prominent questions in spiritual direction and discernment is this: When I have a spiritual experience, how do I know it’s God and not my imagination or wishful thinking? I’d like to be able to give an iron clad answer to that question, but it’s just not possible, given the nature of God (as in, invisible). However, there are guides we can use to test our impulses, desires and insights. And those guides come in many forms,... Read more
In spiritual direction, we explore a person’s experience of God. What we discover is that God loves showing up in really diverse ways! Don’t ever let anyone tell you that an experience of the Spirit always or only happens in a way they find acceptable. Just look at all these ways we find people in the Bible encountering God. Jacob’s dream at Bethel. Genesis 28: 10-17. This is Jacob’s first experience of God, and it includes a promise. God makes... Read more
The denomination I am ordained in, United Church of Christ (UCC), has a catchphrase: “God is still speaking.” That means God continues, throughout all of time, to reveal Godself to us, just as God did to the people of Israel in the ancient near-east and in the time of Jesus. For a long time, the motto was mostly used to counter those brands of Christianity that tried to say the Bible is the inerrant and infallible word of God and... Read more
Kindness might need a defender. From the 2016 presidential election on, there’s been a debate about effective responses to racism, sexism, heterosexism, questions of immigration reform, systemic injustice — and even just plain rudeness. Do we meet “fire with fire” in our response, do we walk away, or do we handle such dialogue with kindness? Self-proclaimed “kindness enthusiast” and Presbyterian pastor Bruce Reyes-Chow explores those options and more in his new book, “In Defense of Kindness: Why It Matters, How... Read more
In a world full of solutions, opinions, and advice, listening is one of the most important gifts we can offer one another. It is an act of healing and vision. For people of faith and their communities, the gift of listening both to one another and God offers a path to spiritual renewal and grants congregations a vision of their identity. In a time when congregations are experiencing a steep decline in membership and facing significant uncertainty, learning to... Read more
We’re stuck online for now. Are Zoom, Skype, or Doxy the way we’ll do spiritual direction forever? This is the question for spiritual directors and their clients after 10 months of pandemic social distancing. There are pros and cons to the online life, and tricks to doing it with style that I will address here. Some spiritual directors have decided that working from their home computer via online video has opened a new world for them. Prior to the pandemic,... Read more
Imagine the shock and disgust that rippled through mainline and progressive Christianity in this country after the New Yorker video from the January 6 insurrection showed a group of rioters standing around the Senate President’s chair in the Senate chamber pray, holding hands in the air praising God for their success at storming the Capital. One rioter who was interviewed after the event said he consulted God three times before coming, and each time “he didn’t hear a no.” Discerning... Read more
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