Saint Cyril: What can we do for fun?
Saint Methodius: I know! Let’s invent a language with all the pronunciation eccentricities of English. And then some. One of those languages where you pronounce every syllable yet still get it completely wrong.
Saint Cyril: Okay, but it has to have all the grammatical horrors of an inflected language as well.
Saint Cyril: Can we give it its own alphabet, too? Just to make it more confusing?
Saint Methodius: Only if the script looks absolutely nothing like the block print.
Saint Cyril: And there’s one letter which makes absolutely no sound in itself, but changes what the whole rest of the word sounds like.
*The saints high five each other*
Saint Cyril: By the way, what’s English?
Special thanks to Duolingo and my library’s only Russian textbook, for inspiring my confusion and this dialogue.