Cyril And Methodius Invent The Russian Language: A Play In One Act

Saint Cyril: What can we do for fun?

Saint Methodius: I know! Let’s invent a language with all the pronunciation eccentricities of English. And then some. One of those languages where you pronounce every syllable yet still get it completely wrong.

Saint Cyril:  Okay, but it has to have all the grammatical horrors of an inflected language as well.

Saint Methodius: Both in one language? Dude, that’s cold. I like it.

Saint Cyril: Can we give it its own alphabet, too?  Just to make it more confusing?

Saint Methodius: Only if the script looks absolutely nothing like the block print.

Saint Cyril: And there’s one letter which makes absolutely no sound in itself, but changes what the whole rest of the word sounds like.

*The saints high five each other*

Saint Cyril: By the way, what’s English?

Special thanks to Duolingo and my library’s only Russian textbook, for inspiring my confusion and this dialogue.