A bit of reserve can preserve you

Julie at Happy Catholic shares a bit about her daughter, Rose-the-Quiet-One.

Rose is what some would call the original stone face. She doen’t feel the need to respond to everything that everybody says but holds her judgments to herself much of the time. It’s practically anti-American … and I’m sure that at least some of my acquaintances wish I would do the same. It is partially because she is shy and partially through politeness. She often feels that what she is hearing is dead wrong but rather than fight over every little thing she picks her fights.

There is something to be said for playing one’s cards close to the vest and keeping one’s own counsel, although – as Julie says – such an idea is foreign to most Americans. The best way to keep people from presuming to know “all about you,” is to stop putting yourself out there all the time. (Ahem. I infer this, actually.)

Although many people might assume that Buster is Rose’s polar opposite, the truth is, he too is reserved, and he always has been. He is gregarious, he is loud, he is attention-grabbing – but that doesn’t mean you know him.

In fact, Buster is quite a private person who reveals his inmost feelings only to a few, and even then, he has his boundaries – well defined ones – that he’s carried with him since he was practically an infant. Since he was very small he’s been very clear about precisely how he expects to be treated by others, and just how far he may be pushed before he feels his personal dignity is being assaulted, or his personal honor demands a response. He recently – without making a scene – quietly upped and walked out of his beloved jazz band because the conductor (a big American Hothead who regularly combusts like a sealed pressure cooker) crossed Buster’s line. Two days later, Buster got the only apology this man has ever been known to give a student-musician.

Like I said, there is some power in holding to yourself a little, and in having boundaries. Some of us don’t learn that until very late in life.

I can’t speak for Julie, but in Buster’s case, his father and I had nothing to do with it. He was born like that.

Neither Rose nor Buster are Dandilion Children. This is a very funny take off on the Indigo Children idea that is sweeping some corners of Desperate Parentland. Enjoy.