Cruelest. Email. Ever.

A “devoted reader” name of “Jason” sends me a “fan” email.

He says he is a fan, but he is clearly a hit-man from the opposite camp – as I easily discerned upon reading his unusually cruel missive – the cruelest email I have ever received.

I should not have believed his kind words. They were a big, fat set-up. A few strokes to my weary, battered ego, and then he unleashes absolute hell on me…in the form of a recipe!

Well, have I not written enough about my adventures in FASTING, and how I am missing all the foods I love? Is there a more fiendish way to attack than to go after my already-voracious appetite for comfort food and dessert?

This so-called “regular reader” – who I strongly suspect actually resents me for making fun of Obama’s pie-day (oh, wait, I defended Obama, on that…) flings this recipe at me, like a drive-by pie-in-the-face, and leaves me fantasizing about licking the whipped cream and warmed, melty vanilla ice-cream from my chin and cheeks with an ever-growing and rather grotesque Gene Simmons tongue.

Sssluuurrp!

See me shake my fist! Damn you, delicious pie recipe thrower! I will resist! As God is my witness, I’ll never imagine a mouthful of warm chocolate and pecans and bourbon again…I’ll never imagine licking this bowl and picking up the crumbs of a piecrust with the back of my fork…at least not until the election and please God, don’t make it go into late December….I want this for Thanksgiving!

Dastardly Drive-By-in-the Face Pie

Preheat oven to 325degrees
Ingredients:
1/2cup flour
1cup sugar
1 stick butter melted and cooled
2 eggs slightly beaten
1 teasp vanilla
1Tablespoon Bourbon orange juice
[I am waiting to find out if this is bourbon “or” orange juice, if this mean person will ever write back!]
1 cup chocolate chips
1 cup pecan pieces

Instructions:
Mix sugar and flour together
Add melted cooled butter and slightly beaten eggs
Blend until just combined (do not over mix)
Add bourbon (orange juice) and vanilla
Blend until moist
Add chocolate chips and pecans
Pour into a 9″ pie shell ( I use a deep dish)

Bake for 60 min
Serve warm with sweetened whipped cream or vanilla ice cream
[I say both!]

You just wait, “Jason,” if that is in fact your name. I will make this incredible-sounding pie and then I will find you and sit down and eat this thing in front of you and not even offer you a bite.

Don’t think I can’t do that. I’ll bring Buster along, because that boy likes his pie.

Then you’ll be sorry.