I Have a New Job!

I have exciting news to share today. I’m re-entering the workforce!

Am I excited about my new career path? Very! It’s a brand-new venture for me. Although I’m starting out as a novice, I’m hoping to rise through the ranks quickly.

This is a unique opportunity, for sure, and not many people are interested in it so there’s a lot of room for advancement. But it’s a job that combines three of my favorite pastimes — eating, animals, and eating animals — so how could I refuse?

Without further ado, I’m happy to announce my new career as a Pet Food Tester!

Wait, That’s a Thing?

It is indeed!

Just like the people who are hired by various companies to taste-test the items they produce to sell in grocery stores for human consumption, pet food testers are paid to taste-test new formulas before they hit the market. Lest you think this job is wrought with horrendous nibbles and stomach aches, most pet food testers simply spit the food out before swallowing. In addition to taste, pet food testers are also taking notes regarding the nutritional content of each pet delicacy. They’re also always on the lookout for new, innovative formulas, production methods, packaging and the like–anything to keep those noshes pet (and owner)-friendly!

I became interested in this new venture a few weeks ago. I was hungry but too tired to cook anything, and the plague of locusts that are my children had already cleared through the pantry and fridge and devoured anything edible. In desperation, I started noshing on one of our cat Katniss’ cans of Fancy Feast (seafood flavor). It was surprisingly delicious, and thus my idea evolved.

Yum!

I’m starting out freelance for now. My plan is to buy several cans of both dog and cat food at the grocery store, taste them, and send my analyses to the respective manufacturers. As demand grows, I’ll expand into bird and reptile food as well.

Eventually I hope to earn a permanent position with one of the top three pet food companies.

The kids are really excited about my new job, especially since we’ll need to get a dog to eat up all of the excess dog food we’ll have around the house.

Exciting, huh? I’ll be sure to update about how things are going in the next few weeks!

Oh, also —

April Fools!